so they ask me, wat i really got from the re-orientation

...it reminds me of a small town girl who is eager to see the world...

...it reminds me of a girl who wrote a note that says 'give way, guys..i hav better things to do'...

...it reminds me of the dream, to change the world but not in a flip second...

...it reminds me of the responsibility that falls on her shoulder, heavy, but worth it...

...the reality is, it is very, very selfish to think about my micro tiny problems when there are many, many mega tera problems that need to be tackled...

certainly, obviously,

...it reminds me of her...

...welcome back, and welcome world!...

..there's too many stories i wanna tell and share with my frens..but as the screen comes alive, i'm lost for words..maybe bcos watever i wanna say, it's more than words..do you believe in the power of silence?..silence that can rip your heart and soul soo much but it never shows..silence that can build your inner self but it never stays alone..

..most of the time i wish i can fly to the far far away land..a place where i'm away from troubles of life..but the best thing to do to overcome your greatest fear, is to face it alone, head on! ..

..well, dont worry too much about me..the bumps in the road will only alert me while driving on this trudging road..come low or high times, you will always find me here, soo far far away from the far far away land..

..reality check-up is wat everyone needs to double check the theories u've claimed over and oer again that u understand..to give up half way or to go tru the rain will depend on how u define the so-called understanding..

..u know the life is tough, but u stand like a fragile thing..u know the challenge is your faithful company, but u hate it like it weakens ur soul and body..u know crying wont solve a thing, but the tears are enough for a swim..

..u know, wat we seek, is more than wat the world can offer..

It has been a year since the last time I went back home. Today, I'll be leaving for Malaysia for the second time before my studies ends next year insyaAllah. It feels weird though to come home this year. I don't know what to expect this time around even though my diary is already filled with gatherings and stuff to attend. Life takes turns in funny ways sometimes. You always find yourself in unexpected circumstances where you never imagine you could be. And life, give us lesson either you like it or not, either you realize it or not. Some stuff should be left buried deep in the land of unknown. But some stuff, you'll bring six feet under. And some stuff, you want to keep in your mind and heart forever. Nevertheless, whatever decision you made, yesterdays play their roles to color the canvas of tomorrows.

My, my. How these years changed me. It has been three years in this foreign land and hopefully, another year to complete this one tiny responsibility. My, my. How a year changes me. It has been a year since I changed my eyes and hopefully, I have my whole life to grant for this one huge responsibility.

Leaving this place, even for a moment, seems bizarre. I learn mighty lots from this place. That is why I believe that sometimes it is good to be out of circle for a moment and ponders about the reason of you being in it. Most of the time, we always said that we are not influenced by other people. But the statement is an irony that we barely realize it is. Even it's only for a few months, I surely, positively will miss my best friends whom I met in this far-off land. Who cares what our background or histories are like when we know we've tramped trough the darkest forest and swam to an isolated island. Exaggerating? Oh, whatever. For me, it feels that way. But wait, I bet, the adventures are just warming up. Dear my dear, I'm already missing you girls! Be good, or I'll make you sit on the naughty bench! Oh, I'm gonna miss the moments together. Hugs!

Well, it's about time. If, the best thing to happen is for our path to cross, it will, no matter how convoluted I've made my ways. If, the best thing to happen is for our path to be so distance to each other, I hope it is always parallel towards one same direction. I hope life treats you kind. And I hope you have all you dreamed off. And I wish to you joy and happiness. But above all this I wish to you love.

Home, I shall return once more. Home, is where it starts and ends. Home, is where my family awaits me. Home, is where my best friends are counting the days to meet.

Home, home sweet home.

Salam Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin ..tomorrow, msia will celebrate raye..but rite here where i'm studying, it's either saturday or the next..how does it feel to celebrate raye awayyy from home?well, one thing for sure, lets celebrate it with style ;)..so, wats the style, some may ask..the answer is, it lays in your heart..how and wat u define 'style'..stylo? cool? western-like? kg-ly? Islamic? combinations of two? assimilation of all? or one pure reason? ..raye is a celebration after a month of Ramadhan..the 1st day of Syawal means reflecting back the holy month of Ramadhan..watever good deeds we did for the last one month, hopefully will nurture the heart and blossom tru our behaviour..surely a month of semayng isyak jemaah n terawih plus, tazkirah gave at least sumthing to ourselves..if we are the very same person dat we knew b4 Ramadhan, it's a moment of reflection..improvement, is wat we need..and is wat we want..after all, Ramadhan is a good point to improve ourselves, and after Ramadhan, the effort doesnt stop there.. ..so, here comes hari raye for all..1 Syawal is the end of Ramadhan, but may it be the starting point of a better me..insyaAllah.. ..well, to all...salam aidilfitri..maaf zahir batin..jemputan ke rumah adalah terhad..ye laa..cannot jemput sebarangan orang..kot2 rombongan mane la plak dtg kn ;)..

my granma is getting better, alhamdulillah..turns out to be dat the tumor is aint a tumor..so, up to this point, my famili is still waiting for the medical result of hers..silently, we prayed for the best..and loudly in my heart, i ask myself to be patient..sometimes, i feel betrayed when i smile..with exams in my hand and famili at my heart, i left both to Allah, who undoubtedly, owns everything.. by God's will, i'll be home in a matter of time..cant help but wonder wat gonna happen..the last time i went back, well, i shall say, i've made drastic decisions in my life..life, changes people..no point of saying 'i'm the same old me' when we know we should improve ourselves every time..looking back my at previous entries, i wrote lots about changes..mayb some readers are already sick of it..but, it's my blog anyways ;) life's tough, but dont crumble to my famili, I'll be home soon and sitting next to you..insyaAllah

While I'm typing this entry, my granma is in the operation room..she was discovered to have brain tumor..so, when i ask myself what to do now? all I'm saying to myself is, be strong and pray to Him for the best course for everyone..crying is ok, but not the best thing to do bcos crying doesnt remove the tumor from the brain, but prayer is always listened by Allah ;)

being the first grandaughter in the family is such a huge responsible..somehow, it's like being a role model..i hav to be strong for my mum and my famili..i'm glad both my big bros are with my mum rite now..she just lost her younger sister early this year..(my auntie passed away due to breast cancer)..my dad has to go back bcos he hav kursus in Penang tomorrow..well, he shouldnt be driving alone bcs he himself is not very well..with the gout and his fav cigarette..hmmm..it's been a difficult time for my famili this year..and it's harder for me as i'm far away..sometimes i think i didnt do my job as the eldest..but again, everything happen for a reason..and i believe in Him..

I'm grateful this week and next are the last third of Ramadhan..more reason to pray harder to Him..

Pah, moge cepat sembuh!

Demi Masa! Sesungguhnya manusia itu dalam kerugian Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh, dan mereka pula berpesan-pesan dengan kebenaran serta berpesan-pesan dengan sabar. Telah kita telan lumat surah Al-Asr Telah bertahun menjadi hafalan Telah sebati dalam solat sehari semalam dan di bulan ini, telah dibelenggu syaitan dari mengganggu anak2 Adam tertanya kpd diri, manakah letak penghayatan ayat yg sentiasa mnjadi bacaan? lemah menyerah kalah taburi masa luang yg ada lalai mengingatkn tentang yg haq mmberi laluan kpd amarah kita hanya manusia, yang akan kembali kpd Rabb ampuni kami ya Allah, beri kami peluang yg ke beribu kali Tuhan dulu pernah aku menagih simpati Kepada manusia yang alpa jua buta Lalu terheretlah aku dilorong gelisah Luka hati yang berdarah kini jadi parah Semalam sudah sampai kepenghujungnya Kisah seribu duka ku harap sudah berlalu Tak ingin lagi kuulangi kembali Gerak dosa yang menghiris hati Tuhan, dosa itu menggunung Tapi rahmat-Mu melangit luas Harga selautan syukurku Hanyalah setitis nikmat-Mu di bumi Tuhan walau taubat sering kumungkir Namun pengampunan-Mu tak pernah bertepi Bila selangkah kurapat pada-Mu Seribu langkah Kau rapat padaku

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world; As I grew older and wiser I realized the world would not change. And I decided to shorten my sights somewhat and change only my country, But it too seemed immovable. As I entered my twillight years, in one last desperate attempt, I sought to change only my family, those closest to me; But alas they would have none of it. And now here I lie on my death bed and realize (perhaps for the first time) That if only I'd changed myself first, Then by example I may have influenced my family, And with their encouragement and support I may have bettered my country, And who knows I may have change the world *Quoted from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens written by Sean Covey*

dats wat he said..but, the steps might seem very familiar to some people..but again, setiap titisan ilmu itu comes from Allah..when we know about it, we'll put it in a practical way, insyaAllah..

to change or to improve ourselves is not an over-nite work..but it is not a reason for us to delay..to take the first step takes guts..needs to ignore the staring eyes, the sarcastic remarks and the raising eyebrows..people will talk, and talking is wat they will do..but eventually the whispers and noises will die out..we will hurt because we let go something that has been with us for years..but all start well ends well..if bermulanya langkah kerana Allah, biarlah Allah yg menilai, bukan mata manusia yg mnjadi rantai..

to make resolution is easy..just like many people love to make azam tahun baru every year..talk is cheap because supplies exceed demands..dat is why i think to take the first step takes guts..not everyone can do it..but even if we dont want to change the world, do we really want to be with people who cant improve himself?hmm.....................................

i've made a few changes to my life, and same goes to my frens..from the smallest to the largest yet..but who knows how far we can go except Him..wat i thought i can never do is wat i've been doing right now..though it is funny sometimes to look back all those years, i keep it vivid in my mind the struggle i went tru..no one is perfect but there is no room for second mistake either..

like a ballon dat expands bcos of the air, our patience and maturity expand bcos of the seconds we left behind

unlike a ballon dat pops bcos of too much air, we hunger for challenge and hard time to fill in our preparation of brighter future..

let's improve and let's welcome challenges!

kerana sesungguhnya selepas kesulitan itu ada kemudahan,

sesungguhnya selepas kesulitan itu ada kemudahan

Harapan Ramadhan Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna Agar dapat kulalui Dengan sempurna Selangkah demi selangkah Setahun sudah pun berlalu Masa yang pantas berlalu Hingga tak terasa ku berada Di bulan Ramadhan semula Puasa satu amalan Sebagaimana yang diperintahNya Moga dapat ku lenturkan Nafsu yang selalu membelenggu diri Tiada henti-henti Tak ingin ku biarkan Ramadhan berlalu saja Tuhan pimpinlah daku yang lemah Mengharungi segalanya dengan sabar Kita memohon pada Tuhan diberikan kekuatan Ku merayu pada Tuhan diterima amalan Selangkah demi selangkah Dengan rahmatMu oh Tuhanku Ku tempuh jua Ramadhan dtg lagik, syaitan kena ikat and manusia kehilangan satu alasan kalo dia buat jahat..means, syaitan dah xde nk kena blame..so, it's a good time to see how far sebenarnye kite mampu control ourselves..mayb all dis while syaitan rilek2 je pengaruh kite, jentik sket dah makan umpan..kite lak bulat2 blame syaitan.. sebab tue, pengaruh untuk buat mende2 salah nie ade dua sumber je..satu, syaitan yg sememangnye ber-vision-kan untuk menyesatkan anak2 adam, by any means they can get their hands on..dua, manusia sdr yg pengaruh kite..org sekeliling, masyarakat, tanpa kita sedar atau tidak..or perhaps, kita pon pernah pengaruh org buat mende2 ntah ape2..sbb tue, bulan puase nie bile syaitan dah kena ikat, ade manusia yg masih mmbuat dosa..the truth hurts but sometimes pernah tak terpikir yg kite yg x reti nk control our own selves?fingers are easily pointed to others..becos we hardly check diri sdr..so, lets look back at ourselves..the mirror hanging on the wall is not for telling who's the fairest of them all.. as i'm typing, i'm reminding myself..i'm also a human with lots of kesilapan dan kelemahan..i'm still struggling to improve myself..especially when yesterdays are too pahit untuk ditelan and to vivid to forget..and i'm truly, truly, truly sori if i hurt any of you along the way..these past few weeks are mighty tough, and it is even tougher to stay tough.. there is no second mistake, especially when you are given a second chance.. i'm sorry, from the very bottom of my heart Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna Agar dapat kulalui Dengan sempurna Selangkah demi selangkah Setahun sudah pun berlalu Masa yang pantas berlalu

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.

But to move on is tough. The pressure is on. The words of encouragement are like knocks on the head. And the steps are so sluggish that we barely see the destination. Sometimes, to step aside seems the best way. But, when it comes to responsible, what ever on your shoulder, remains there. Abraham Lincoln once said,

"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today."

Well, maybe we don't want a complete full stop. But just moments to gain back the positive power. We've been with kryptonite long enough to allow it to absorb our strength. Even when the past is haunting, the present is discouraging and the future is daunting, tears are just transient. Headache is merely temporary, and a perfect cure is all we need.

A walk by the sea in the middle of the night was rather comforting. Walking with friends you trust, with friends whom you've gone through a lot of ups and downs. They, who share the little secrets I have, and hold the biggest strength I need. No holding hands, but the feeling is well understood.

The night breeze was cold, but it seemed to take away some of the troubles weighing the mind. Beyond the dark, cloudy sky, the scattered stars remind us of our dreams. They shine in the darkness. They are always there even in the day. We stared straight to the sea. So calm but always a mystery, because whatever maddens deep down, the small ripples are completely irony.

The wave hit the shore and went back to sea, making some marks on the way leaving. It reminded me of life. People come, and when people go, they left a memoir in us.

There were benches beneath the trees, for people to sit and taste the serenity. For people to think about Him, to feel His presence. Whenever we feel troubled and distressed, we tend to go to nature. Because, either we realize it or not, nature bring us closer to Him. It's intrinsic, that people will go back to Him.

Problems, stress and perhaps assignments won't finish just by staring at the sea. But, it gave us a moment to think back reasons why we choose this path. Hard and hectic, we know by heart that it always is. But I believe whatever challenge we are facing today is a secret weapon for our tomorrows.

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.

We don't want to get run over. That is why we are doing this right now. Be it studying till dawn, driving through the night or trying to please everyone, all we try to do is seek His blessing.

To my friends, if they said they understand, we said we understand it better. And if we understand it better, all of us believe that Allah knows the best

Hanya Engkaulah yang kami sembah, dan hanya kepada Engkaulah kami meminta pertolongan

Today is called present, and together in the package is hardship. Whoever walks down the street have something bothering his mind. And I believe that whatever in his mind reflects who he is. People will only care for stuff that they think is important to them, whatever closes to his heart. If the heart beats for this worldly life, one should wonder what will happen when he dies.

Problems are unavoidable. And to escape from them is pointless. A problem is actually a challenge. Dare yourself to fight every bit of it. And ask guidance from Him as He knows what the best course is for us.

Ever think how guidance looks like? For me, it's not something tangible. Not something with specific shape and form. A friend can be our guidance as He has decided that we'll meet that dear friend of us to support each other throughout this struggling life. Thus, choose the right kinda friends. And when we read the Quran daily, it surely is a guidance for us as long as we learn its meaning by heart. Even when our neighbor died in accident, it means that life is too short to be wasted.

Either we realize it or not, the answers of our problem are readily available around us. Everything that happened is a guidance for those who seek. No one ever hurts himself when he's looking at the bright side of life. So, I always remind myself to take a breath and look around. To see that spring has came and the flowers are blossoming. To realize that winter has left us and another promising day has started.

I asked for strength
and Allah gave me difficulties to make me strong

I asked for wisdom
and Allah gave me problems to solve

I asked for prosperity
and Allah gave me brain and brawn to work

I asked for courage
and Allah gave me dangers to overcome

I asked for love
and Allah gave me troubled people to help

I asked for favors
and Allah gave me opportunity

I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed
my prayer has been answered..

there is one person who knows dat to make a cake, he needs flour, egg and some chocolate flavours..he wants to make a cake, so he get himself a recipe book..after he managed to bake a delicious choc cake, he decided that he sells it..unfortunately, the customers are very limited because people dont trust him since he is not a baker, but just a mere man who knows how to make choc cake..so he think and think on how to gain the customer's trust.. then, he decided to become a baker and went to a cooking school..eventhough it takes time, it will be useful in the long run..just like a ripe apple,given perfect time, it is crunchy and sweet...later on,after nerve wrecking exams and tiring training, he graduated with perfect marks and skill..so, now he's an established choc cake baker and he has a lot of customers.. so, waddup with the story?to some extend, i do wanna eat choc cake..but above all, i do wanna seek knowledge.. y?because knowledge is important..knowledge sells..knowledge speaks..knowledge convinces..and dat make people listen..and trust.. u cant make good choc cake if u hav no knowledge..u cant attract customers if u r not a professional baker..if u know very well how to make choc cake, u will produce marvellous choc cake, with the toppings and all..but if u dont, all u hav is a mixture of flour, egg with some choc flavours.. same goes to life, u cant work on something if u hav no knowldge..u cant get ppl to listen to you if u are not educated..if u know very well on the subject, u'll get good result insyaAllah..but if u dont, u'll get lost in this worldly world.. to seek knowledge is important..it's a vital weapon dat can make changes on life and afterlife..to seek knowledge is also hard..as life is a constant battle.. but, it's not the strongest who will survive, but it's the one with the iman so, lets make some choc cake, a perfect one!

Today is our Independence Day. So, by default, last night is the 'countdown' night. Usually Malaysians will gather at Dataran Merdeka and wait till midnight for the 'ding-dong-bell' of the Sultan Abdul Samad's famous clock. People, from cute little baby to that-so-called-baby, are busily celebrating the historical moment, with or without family (or maybe with family-member-to-be). Since most of my blog readers are Malaysians, I should not waste my time and my limited vocab to elaborate or picture the scene in mind. I bet, from the moment we can speak and see, we've watched the Independence celebration like thousands time. The fiesta is a part of our life. And that is the challenge. To question something that has been in our blood for years. I wonder about the celebration. People stay till late night. The crowds are just crazy, with the shouting and all. The music is way too loud, but some people say it's cool. Don't they feel damn hot? How can a mother handle their child, or even children, in such hectic environment? Hats off from me if she's under control! And don't let me starts with the teens. What's up with the dress and the holding-hand scene? Well, it's the moment like this people shows affection towards one another. How sweet isn't it to watch fire crackers together? Like that scene in the movie, where the prince charming and the princess lives happily ever after. Yeah, maybe I don't understand this lovey-dovey stuff. Pardon me. I've been in this foreign land for nearly 3 years, and my intelligence can hardly tell between the Malays and the Caucasians. Hmm, I think my brain has gone mad. So, 'Dong, dong, dong' (make it twelve times). We shout 'Merdeka, Merdeka, Merdeka!'. Then, here comes the live entertainment and things like those. Yeah, it's boring to have no music and without the idols, aye? Late night, people left the scene. If the Dataran can shout, it will not shout 'merdeka!' but it will say 'clean me up!' ever wonder why? Because someone forgot to do the cleaning and the rubbish left the DBKL workers for no holidays. It is during this season the press is talking about our nation and history. A lot of people do the talking but not many do the thinking. When I left Malaysia years ago, many people advised me to take care of myself, with all the 'don't forget your root' and all. So, here I am, wondering about my country. Maybe we just need to think about the 'root and all', once we stepped out of Malaysia? Humor me if this is what we say globalization. Entertain me if that is what we call cool-stuff-kinda-thing. Right me if I'm wrong. But what I see is what I believe. But, don't get me wrong. I still love Malaysia to bits. And I have to admit there are lots of physical development throughout the country. 2 years away from my country, the fast growth is undeniable. But it's not the visible advance that caught my blurry eyes but this one question in my mind, Act like Westerners, so why bother to be Malaysians? -menang bersorak, kampung tergadai, ever wonder who's clapping his hand?-

You know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows.
And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes.
Trying to learn from what's behind you and never knowing what's in store
makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Too many times we stand aside and let the water slip away.
To what we put off 'til tomorrow has now become today.
So don't you sit upon the shore and say you're satisfied.
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tides.

by Garth Brooks, song "The River" co-written with Victoria Shaw

Tanah dan landasan ini penuh misteri. Lagaknya retak. Biarpun ia bertampal, mungkin juga retak menanti belah. Sudah lama rasanya kebingungan. Mengharapkan tempat yang pijak ini stabil umpama pemancing yang menanti umpannya ditangkap ikan, sedangkan dia tahu cacing tidak di mata kail. Bumi gegar lagi. Barangkali petanda perlu selamatkan diri, sebelum gegaran menelan. Tapi, gelora dalam hati bagaikan memaku kaki dari berlalu. Apatah yang ada dibumi ini hingga kaku derap langkah? Hati, tenanglah, agar rasional kembali menjadi paksi keputusan ini. Bumi gegar lagi, kali kedua. Hati gelojak lagi, seribu kali, atau mungkin lebih. Dalam kalut fikiran bergegas mencari jalan selamat. Jangan terlalu manjakan hati. Didik hati ini! Jangan terlalu menyerah! Jangan diikut hati yang lemah imannya. Titik-titik hitam mengabur pandangan. Masakan dalam jerebu jelas penglihatannya? Umpama jalan raya di waktu malam. Jalan masih jalan. Tapi tanpa cahaya, tahukah tempat tuju? Betulkah derapan kaki meluru? Bumi gegar lagi, kali ketiga. Hati? Aku sudah penat mencari keseimbangan. Biarkan kewarasan fikiran berkata sekali ini. Apakah timbang-taranya jika tanah beretakan ini dipilih lebih dari keselamatan diri? Didik hati ini! Jangan terlalu diikut lentok manja. Bumi gegar lagi, kali keberapa tidak penting lagi. Pasti, ia yang terakhir sekali. Selalu aku marahkan gegaran-gegaran yang meronta-rontakan hati. Tapi sekarang, aku berterima kasih diatas setiap desir angin sekalipun. Tipu jika tidak merindui tanah misteri itu. Tapi aku lebih takutkan api yang meratah isi dan menghangus tulang putih. Didik hati ini!

Last Saturday was a blast. Completely overwhelmed by the responsible and responses. Well, thanks to Him, everything turned out to be ok!

Learning about history leaves us nothing but guidance. The good thing about the past is that it remains there. It stays there till forever. And nothing we can do to change it, even a bit, either we like it or not. Years ago, learning history back in school is just for the sake of my exam. I remembered it by hard. That's a big mistake. We should learn history by heart. That one thing that pumps the blood throughout our body and that one thing, that when it stops functioning, we simply die. Are we?

Nevertheless, history is a difficult subject itself. Circumstances make it sounds sooo boring and dull. Maybe that's what others want us to feel. So that whatever hidden, remains unknown to the naked eyes. And we are happily surrendered to the darkness.

Blindfolded by whatever the world can offer.

The song they sang, send us straight to bed. The sex appeal on that fancy dress is what we call a superb trend. The sports on air, fixed the eyes. And the smoking habits, reflect the coolest. Faith is clarified by IC, 'modern' look is just a disguise. Fun is what we want as 21 is too early to die. Food is indulgence, eat all you can. Fashion is the master, we are the slave.

Present is a result of yesterdays. And present patterns tomorrows.

To know what a country will be like in the future, just look at the teenagers.

Let me see, academic record increases year by year. So, most teens are well-educated, locally or overseas. Hurmm, maybe we can start with the juvenile record? Or what about the number of concerts a typical teen went? Or, the length of her skirt? Hurmm, how about the longest business hour of a pub? Or, how many girlfriends he had in a year? Or, who kissed at the earliest age? Or, who attended all the parties? Or, who stayed latest at his house last night? What about, who has the latest hair colour?

Act like Westerns, so why bother to be Malaysians?

Correct me if I'm wrong. But what I see is what I believe.

her voice echoes in this happy-valley house.."update your blog, girl"..and i was like, "uhuh?u talking to me?" and so i realise, she was, indeed."okay2, i'll do it by dis evening" i said, with shiver..she's not mean, but there's something about her dat u just cant explain..

and so, with the last strength i owned and without a slightest idea wat to write about, here i am, sitting on my messy table and looking at the blank template..i wanna write about my hectic schedule, but it's always been like dat lately..i wanna write about my problem, but then, it wont be solved..i wanna write about my love problem, but i hav none ;)

my hands already wet with sweat..uhuh, dats not a good sign..it means i'm nervous..i dunno wat to say if i didnt update my blog..omg, wat i wanna do??suddenly, i heard footstep..every second it draws nearer..tap, tap, tap..i think, dat her's..it's so familiar..it's sooo her..the aura is there..the sky darkens, the room's getting cold..the wind senses her presence...omg..she's coming this way!!wat i wanna do??where's my knight with the shining armor??i look around, looking for the nearest exit..time's running out, she's on the way...and the room for escape seems impossible, the chances are slim!!

and then, dat voice brings me back to reality.."it's already late evening!" she said with her hands on her waist..looking sooo her..and me, "yup2..i'm doing it now"..i said..she peeped at my screen for a moment and said, "good", and simply walk away..just by then, i can feel myself breathing as usual, suddenly the sun shines tru my window and the absence of my handsome knight seems completely ok..

but the story doesnt end here..i still need to complete my task..when she peeped at my computer, the words on the screens are words that i myself merely understand..gosh!!wat i wanna do..she's gonna check on me again..she's gonna visit my blog till i updated it..she's gonna be aware of my yahoo mssger status from now and then bcos i usually give ppl a hint when i've updated..man, dis is tough..i cant stand the pressure anymore...let's write about something..

tick, tock, tick, tock..suddenly, the clock sounds like it's laughing to me..i've turned crazy by now..omg!!wat i wanna do???

so, who is she??who is this girl who hav soo much power over dis cool, and cun girl??why she's acting like dat??

easy peasy,

she wanted me to update my blog bcos she missed my writing, eventough we are housemates..and we've seen each other's ugly face every morning ;)

and,

i dunno wat to write bcos all knowldge belongs to Allah and when we hav no idea, it means, we hav no idea

i'm shivering bcos it's cold today, it's an aoutomatic thing we do, creates by Allah, the all Knowing

i see the sky darkens bcos it's already 6 pm, He wants us to rest

i can feel her presence bcos we've been housemates for long, hopefully, makin baik ukhuwah ;)

i'm ok when my knight with shining armor didnt appear bcos he's not my mahram

i cant escape tru the nearest exit bcos it's a window, and my room is at 4th floor, and i'll go to hell if i commit suicide

i heard the clock laughing at me bcos the cartoon itself pictures the laughings bears, senyum itu sedekah

i am pressured bcos i've made a promise n i hav to keep it, refer surah as-saaf

and above all, i cant frustrate my dear fren!!if she feels bad, i feel it to

as i said before, she's not mean, but there's something about her dat u just cant explain..

dats y, she's my dear fren... ;)

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

..it's easy for you to say it because you are not at my place..it's easy for you to judge me because i bet, u believe, dats the only way..it's easy for you to leave because all you do is walk away..it's easy for you to climb because you have the spike..it's easy for to blame me because the mirror reflects me..it's easy for you..but wat about me?

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

They said, a once in a lifetime experience is something you must not let go, especially when you are offered to be in a foreign land, learning new stuff. Learning is a huge word itself. Be it formally conducted in school, or informally while walking down the street. According to rules of the world, weekdays are for formal stuff, while weekend is for the opposite. But, according to another chapter in rules of the world, don't let go of a golden opportunity.

While I was busily contemplating my homework and assignment, a dear friend of mine mentioned about a talk at uni, given by Yvonne Ridley. And I was like, 'who's she?' She told me that was the journalist who was captured by Taliban years ago and she reverted to Islam afterwards. Then I remembered I've read something about her in some magazine years back. She's coming all the way from London to deliver a speech during our uni Islamic Awareness Week.

What a great thing, and what a great time! I mean, with all the homework and assignment. The pressure is on, but it takes a while to regain my consciousness. After spending my Saturday morning with a touch of girl-talk thingy and a woozy meeting, my friends and I went to the talk, rombongan-cik-kiah style ;)

In that small lecture room, I saw familiar and unfamiliar faces. But, what to be bothered, we are all brothers and sisters of Islam. Though I hardly remembered her, she's recognizable. Her English look is still obvious though she dressed 100%ly like a Muslim woman. And when she talks, my ears caught the word, my heart captured the quintessence, and my closed eyes dried the tears. The 2 hours session filled with nothing but the truth. About the crisis, the war, the terrorism, the injustice, the cruelty, the biased, the insanity, the hidden agenda. There's nothing extreme about the talk. But if the truth is what people defined as extreme, I can't help but wonder.

As she explained shortly about the crisis of Muslims all over the world, I was trying my best to jot down the details. But I failed miserably, partly because I'm slow but mostly because there are too many to write. If it takes a can opener to open a can, it takes the truth, and a good speaker, to open the eyes of the audience. And Yvonne becomes just that to go straight to the core.

Afghan, Chechnya, Iraq and Kashmir are only a few to name the land of crisis.
Physically, these places are nothing but padang jarak padang terkukur. Buildings demolished, houses knocked down, schools flattened, facilities blown up. No electricity, no water, no food, no medicine,no home. A girl might have no father to feed her. That baby might have no mother to comfort her. This sister might wonder why her brother is bleeding like crazy. And that boy, he sees her sister is gang raped right in front of his bare eyes. The mother, who laboured for 9 hours to deliver each of her children, lost all her 9 boys n girls in one bloody blast.

For me, I dare not to imagine what our brothers and sisters are going through. My country has nothing of such. Their courage is something people should give a stand ovation. But I bet, that's not what they want. They have cried too loud for help from other Muslims, their very own brothers and sisters. While waiting, they don't stop to fight. While waiting, they continue to suffer.

May be in their head they are thinking, 'Our brothers and sisters are coming. Just hold on, perhaps they are already on the way'.

But perhaps, the brothers and sisters can't hear the voices of innocents.

Perhaps the television set is too loud, or is it the concert they are at?

..hectic schedule..only second week of skol and second time calling home, my mum, and my dad, recognised my letih voice..these past few days drained my energy, physically and mentally..but, there's nothing to complain about..after all, responsibility exceeds time..as always, my parents adviced me to work harder on my studies..sure thing, i wanna stop fooling around..

..but there's gloomy clouds around my tickling mind, trying to distinguish these two words, wanting and doing..two completely different stuff, bcos there are bumps ahead and tricks waiting..based on experience, be it mine or others, lets state the obvious

..when i wanted to stop eating asam years ago, my frens were like eating it all the time, in front of me..

..when i wanna stop listening to my fav song, it was everywhere, even when there was no radio around..

..when i wanna go straight home, the closing-down sale seems very2 near to the atm machine..

..when i wanna buy text book, i wonder why it looks so heavy n bulky, n i'm very2 dizzzzzy..

..when i wanna chat minimumly, suddenly the mssg boxes pop up like hot popcorns..

..when i wanna make a gap, the other side is greener n nearer than ever..

..when i wanna ppl to correct me when i'm wrong, everything is wrong..

..when i wanna be strong, my body hurts..

..when i wanna forget, it begs to forgive..

..and when i've made a promise, it's dat fragile thing..

and then i wonder, are circumstances to be blamed?

maybe sometimes we are bz correcting and blaming others..but forget to take a deep breath and check ourselves..

we wanna improve ourselves..we wanna things to go our way..and we start judging watever near us, forgetting dat wat's nearer to us is dat image in the mirror..

dats y..wanting and doing is two different thing..like ketam's mum who wants anak2 nye jln straight..why do you think the anak2 still jln senget?

or maybe, just maybe, we dont really want watever we said we wanna do?

left the rest to The All-Knowing

THE EXAM

it ended about a month ago..i hav no time to ponder about it bcs i'm bz with the Games..all i know, i've done my best and i left the rest to The All-Knowing

THE GAMES

it went smoothly..lacking sleep n rest for days..all hard work pays..though i didnt enjoy the Games 100%ly, i learnt a lot from it..trying to look at it in different perspective, it is not merely a game..

u saw the struggle to win, the determination in every eye, the perseverance dat never give in, the sweat dat never leave the shirt dry..u heard the cheer dat boosted the strained muscles, the voices dat echoed their own fav team..u felt the heat between teams, the sweet encouragement of your teammates or even the unwanted boooo from the foe..

and u saw ppl with diff character..those who hav guts to date when it is wrong, those who flirt when it is also wrong, those who forgot her/his solat when they know to ignore it is also wrong..it's not us to judge, but left the rest to The All-Knowing

THE TRIP

life take turns in a funny way sometimes..i prepared myself for a long trip, but i ended spending most of my time at the last place i wanna be at that moment..never mind..i never know wats the best for me..we planned and He planned, and He is the best planner..

the decision i made to stay and let my best fren continued the journey by herself is the hardest yet..but i never regret..as the only reason we should seek, lies in His blessing..

the memories i hold close to my heart, sometimes will bring tears to the eyes and ruin my best fortress, but if dats wat i hav to face, i'm happily struggling it..

the lesson i learnt over there worth wayyy more than the flight ticket's price..and the responsible i bear, weight heavier than anything else..but we are tested based on our ability as He never burden us with anything we cant carry..the trip gave me a lot, and i will work hard, and left the rest to The All-Knowing

THE HOMECOMING

i'm happy to be home..it's time for another semester..i dont think it would be any different than previous..but with all the fond memories and fragile hopes, i look at life in a wider aspect..

i dont stand alone in this wide world..thus my grades dont depend on me myself..help myself and help others..but if i dont help myself, i dont help others..wat goes around comes around..care for others, then they will care for you..ignore others, then they will ignore you..

even when we care for others but they ignore us, we continue to care, bcos we left the rest to The All-Knowing

'frenship is the hardest thing in the world to explain..it's not something u learn in skol..but if u havent learned the meaning of frenship, u really havent learned anything'

we never hav enuf time for everything..but even a moment of wordless chat is enuf to treasure our frenship..and dat smile, we keep it in our heart, as it speaks our love for each other..and dat teary eyes, dont wipe them away, as it holds our memories, happy or sad..

different place or time, together or apart, who are we to doubt watever He planned?as watever we do, we seek His blessing..bcos to Him this journey ends..

yesterdays were there to give us lesson and strength,

tomorrows are yet to know, only for those who are meant,

today is here with us, to be thankful for every single thing He gives

be strong to win this battle

be guided to take the right turns

be good to help ppl

be enlighten to shine tru others

look upon the sky

gaze up straight to the stars

u wont see me there

but u'll see His presence

watching over us

every single time, shorter than a blink of eyes

this world is too much to take,

but we seek more than wat it can offer,

my frens, walk with me, i need your hand

to walk this trudging road, to pull me out when i'm about to fall

this aint a melancholic poem to bring tears on our eyes

rather, it's a humble appreciation for my frens

just to let u know dat watever i failed to say,

it's here to convey

power

[Power]

marc anthony and julius caesar, both are heroes of the great rome empire, both felt in love with the famous Cleopatra..and Rome felt together with them..

the beatle's john lennon..he left the gang..and Yoko Ono are among those who are blamed..

among the 8 wonders of the world, the reason taj mahal stood proud is no longer a secret..shah jahan, he knows why, wayy better..

who could deny the power of a woman? who can change the history of the world, in a flip second..the girl-power or watever power we wanna call it to be, is never to be under estimated..our influnce on others, esp on men, must be used wisely, in the most appropiate manner..

lets make a history dat enlightens not darkens..

i may not be the best person to talk about leading, but i know how it feels when we are hindering..

Dari Usamah bin Zaid r.a bahawa Nabi s.a.w bersabda Tidak ada suatu fitnah (bencana) yang lebih besar bahayanya dan lebih bermaharajalela-selepas wafatku terhadap kaum lelaki selain daripada fitnah yang berpunca daripada kaum wanita

(Bukhari, Muslim, Imam Ahmad, at-Tirmidzi, Nasai dan Ibnu Majah)

If we are believers, we believe the hadis whole-heartedly..it is a fitrah for us, women to be cantik and cun and all..and with it, comes along huge task..like wat Peter Parker said 'with great power, comes great responsibility'..i think, it is our commitment to avoid any sorts of fitnah or gosip..

gosip, never sells but cheaper..

so, wats the source of this gosip?i, myself am still searching and wanting to know wat it's all about

lets take a moment..
to think and rethink...................

is it the words we said?the topic we discussed?the kinda-tight clothes we wore?the sweet-voice by the fone we chatted?the jokes we cracked?the frens we hung out with?the touched-up face we present?or is it the food we cooked?

hehh..mari berpk..berpk dan bergerak..

mende yg jauh, x kn jadi dekat kalo kite x berjalan

jom jln, nk ikut??

jln same2 selamat sket..mak pon pesan mcm tue..

[exam]

time's running out like water gushing from a broken tap..

exam, dat thing comes again..visiting students, who are already having nervous breakdown yg keberape puluh kali..the notes and books are treasures dat worth more than ever..

every single page is read, dot by dot, word by word..

all the incomplete tutorial questions are solved by now..but why the value seems weird..and why the working looks wayyyy tooo easy??

oohhh, i already feel the senak perut..my heart is already beating like i just been chased by a mad dog..

hmmm..dat routine is typical for us student..no matter how early we are to colour-coded the exam dates on the so-called student calender, the last minute study always seems the most efficient study technique..hehehee

.

and i believe, during this time, we are fragile..overly sensitive to surrounding..especially when it seems like all problems of the world fall on our weakening lap, all in one bulky bunch!gagagagaa...

sabarlah kita, tabahlah kita..we are tested, before the exam itself comes to greet..

all the best i wish to all my frens

..kita mncari sedikit ilmu demi mncari keredhaan-Nya..

manekan mungkin Allah mmberatkn kita dgn ape yg tak termampu ditanggung badan..kita mampu, cuma kadang2 bisikan2 itu melemahkn semangat..

so, be strong bcos we refuse to falter in..jauh sebegini kita merantau demi mncari ilmu, this is the not the time to let go..we never give up, for our future is more than di dunia..studi kite bukan buat diri semate-mate

aku mengingatkn kite..dan ingatkan aku bile aku terlupe

kite bersama, dan Allah bersama kite
kite berusaha, dan kite berserah kepada-Nya

Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain drNya.
Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal.
[At-Taubah ayat 129]

..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah.
Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg
kafir.
[Yusuf ayat 12]

come on!berusaha!

show em' wat we are made of..

[lalalaalla]

[Bertemu cinta teragung
Di dalam sujudku asyik menyanjung
Umpama pengembara di malam gelita
Dan tuk cinta-Nya menerangi jiwa

Sekian lama terbiar
Dalam belantara hidup nan liar
Di bukit ku tersepit di lembah terhina
Hidup yang perit mengajarku mencari cinta

Ku sangka teguh
Kiranya masih rapuh
Kusangka mudah namun amat payah

Kusedar semua pasti ada akhirnya
Moga akhirku diselimut cinta
Cinta agung-Nya

Sekian lama diri terlalai
Kehidupan terabai
akhirnya aku temui kedamaian abadi ]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

........setelah mengalami nervous breakdown selama beberapa hari, i wake up this morning with otak yg lbey normal dan hati yg dah penat memakan diri nya sdr..maka, tiba lah saat utk terus ke depan dengan meninggalkan masa lepas yg obviously, dah lepas..mcm dlm cerita laila isabella tue, rosyam ade cakap...

"yg lepas biar jadi sejarah, mase depan biar jadi hak kite!"....

........mase aku lower form, kalo aku tension, satu skolah tau kot..hehhee..tp, kite matured as we go on with this life..lame2 aku dah byk bersabar...so, aku mls nk tunjuk muke toye aku kat sume org..tp, kadang2 aku terlepas gak ngan muke kurang cun tue..huhuu..so, aku mintak maaf kat sume org, housemate aku, kawan2 aku yg terpaksa melayan ketidaktentuan hati ini....

........for me, this yr has been such a tough yr for me...i learnt mighty lotssssssss mase i'm back at msia last yr n they affect me till now....about my famili, my famili, my famili and my personal life...getting older is not just getting closer to see Him, but also making you realise the responsibility you have to ppl surround you..how your smallest decision will affect others, esp those who care...

.......the lesson in life is not in the victory solely, but in the struggle mostly....

.......those who fall, it is not important to know where you fell, but where you slipped....

........like the saying said, the ship is safe at the harbour, but that's not what a ship is built for...

.......ok, homework time!

[did the captain of the titanic cry?]

[Did the captain of the Titanic cry?]

when the Titanic submerged into the atlantic ocean years ago, it was the hottest news ever..i bet, it still is, up till now..the so-called unsinkable ship made such headlines days, weeks, even years..
a catasthrope no one could ever imagine..

the luxurious ship cost more than $7.5million at that time..flashed with expensive French restaurant, swimming pool, a gym, squash court, an electric horse and other God-know-what-they-want stuff..nevertheless, the first class passengers paid $4350 (around $50 000 nowadays) for the temporary man-made 'heaven'..

Captain EJ Smith, the man at the helm, was among the most famous persons discussed..i wonder, what he felt at that time?

to see his dream.. fall into pieces, right in front of his bare eyes, till the last breath he took..

all he wanted is to speed his dream straight to the stars, but it dunked into the very bottom of Atlantic ocean instead..

yes,
he was the one who sped up the gigantic titanic on the unfateful, moonless nite..
yes,
he was the most experienced shipmaster at the time..
and yes,
he wanted the last chapter of his career to be the most glamorous, respectful episode..

but no,
he was not aware of the iceberg he was destined to hit..
a tip of iceberg that made all the difference..
tarnished reputation he had to bring, 6-feet under, instead..

~*it's all about the shattered dream*~

how hurtful it is to see the dream that we beautifully colours in mind,
crushed like a piece of useless glass..

how frustrate it is to feel the dream that we weave perfectly with golden thread,
unbraided like frail strand..

and how discourage it is to hear the melancholy songs,
when we wish at the rainbow's end there are happy melodies..

but again, who are we to doubt the incoming uncertainties


so tell me,

when we see all things falls apart..


is it wrong to cry?



did the captain of the titanic cry?

[sweet like sugar]

[sweet like sugar]

just finished making myself a cup of coffee (2nd cup in a day!!)..really, badly need this one as it's been such an exhausting day..and, it's only wednesday..still another half week to go..go!go! :D..

anyways, i always love strong coffee..less sugar, less or no milk..

just now, when i tried to open the sugar container's lid, i nearly dropped the whole bunch..aiseyhh..must be me who didnt close it carefully..thank God there r no ants in my apartment..or else, i hav no idea on how to get rid of 'em..

back home, if i did exactly dat, i believe the ants r having one hell of a party ;)..like the pepatah melayu goes, ada gule adalah semut..non-separable..sooo true bcoz naturally, we r attracted to watever we like, rite..

maka, adakah kite semut??huhuu..(x psl2)..

and there's another pepatah mati semut kerana gule..hmm..pelik kn, sbb semut dies in sugar, it's fav stuff on earth! the whole bunch of sugar can kill ants..no need pesticides, Ridsect or watever..hehee..sooo true..like ppl with diabetes..xtra sugar in blood, rite?hmm..mcm mane ngan org yg cintakan dunia..harta mende..pangkat....??

..*thinkinggg*..

hopefully when we die, we'll die in Islam,and as true Muslim (ade ke x true Muslim??hehehee)

looking at the ants, it's quite a wonder how semut can line up in a mighty long line all way tru wherever it leads..i did, once, try to block the line with a book yrs back to sesat kn ants itu..heheee..and they are clever enuf to find their way..i cant remember how, but i think it must be sumthing to do with their special ability..to find their way even they r blocked by naughty me..

like us la kn..if we hav a perfect reference, we wont sesat or mislead, even the hurdles are sooo massive (or sooo minute..kadang2 mende2 halus ni kite jarang nmpk)..

as Muslim, our references r of ocz la Sunnah & the Qoran..dat one book dah sits nicely on the shelf..(ingat dulu org tua2 pesan, letak Quran tmpt tinggi..x elok kalo2 terlangkah2..simpan dlm almari..hmm..alamatnye, x bace ah..dok dlm almari je..huhuu ;))..

mungkin maksud mereka tue, tmpt tinggi as di hati kite..............................

hmm..back to the semuts..they r in lines rite??line is good..berjuang dlm satu barisan..saling mmbantu dan mengukuh.. [61:4]

so, mudah kn..tgk semut pon bley jd pengajaran..dr binatang2 nie byk mende bley blaja..tgk la ape saja, yg penting lihat dari kace mate sumber rujukan kite...important to hav references..just like when i did my engineering calculation..if i dont hav a reference pt, all my calculation will be kalut...

*peninggg*

ok, lets do each one of us a favor, will ya..

no, bukan gi carik semut..

but

lets remind each other ;)

oppss..my coffee's cold now

pesanan buat adik

[Pesanan buat adik]

adik, adik..
adik nk gi mane?
nape kluar rumah?
adik nk gi blaja, kak
ooo..bile adik kat sane, ingat tujuan tue
jgn terikut org lain,if org tue bad influence

adik, adik..
ape cite2 adik?
x tau lagik la kak..
lpas nie baru nk pk
ooo..kite org islam dik, cite2 satu je
biar jelas sampai akhir nafas

adik, adik..
adik dah ready ke?
ready ape kak??sume brg dah beli
minggu lepas dah beli
ooo..kite org islam dik, ready kite lbey dari material
blaja dr perihal smlm, simpan buat mase depan
lihat lbey dgn mata
pk biar tembus dunia

adik, adik..
ape rase nye eyh?
rase ape, kak?
ape rase nk kluar rumah?
adik takut tak?
takde la ape sgt, kak
dekat je ngan rumah sedare2 kite
ooo..bagus la
jage diri lbey dari physical
lawa kite bukan utk semua
x gune megah2 dunia

kak, kak..
adik makin x phm
akak cakap psl ape?
ooo..adik x phm..
bagus adik bertanya
x tahu, kite tanya
biar jln gelap itu ade cahaya
dari kabur2, jadikan terang
biar cerah bilik sebelah

kak, kak..
ape merepek nie?
kak x merepek..
akak ckp ade gunenye
adik x phm..akak ajarkan
ape yg akak ade
adik pon ade bende yg bley ajar akak
kaca mata kita berbeza
tp, biar satu jln dan tujuan
silap akak jgn adik ikut
yg baik, kite lalui bersama
jgn lupe ayah ibu
abang, adik, dan kakak awak nie
kite bersama...
akak byk salah
akak x nk adik buat yg same
buang mase dan x bergune

adik, adik..
janji ngan akak..
bantu diri kite dan mereka

kak, kak..
adik x phm..
tp, adik sedey..
x tau nape..
takpe dik,
akak pon sedey..
pegang tangan akak
kalo salah satu kite jatuh
jgn biar berpaut pd yg rapuh
jgn nangis, dik..
tp, kalo nk nangis
biar air mate ini air mate yg bergune
biar mampu memedamkn api neraka

jawapan TekaTekidotcom

[TekaTekiDotCom - No Ordinary Answer]

Hmm..so, no one wanna anwser my quiz..ish3..mentang2 ah not examinable ujung sem nie!huhuhuu..anyways, i like answering my own question..bcoz sumtimes we know it already but it will only make sense when we jot it down sumwhere, physically or heart-ly ;)
or sumtimes we dont bother :(

Answer:
ult li albi bissaraha
=(I'm opening up my heart with honesty)
hayya nab'idil karaha
=(Let's avoid the hated and hatred)
syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma
=(Let's remain thankful with what we have)
ba' ideena anil fattana
=(Let's avoid all lies and sins)

so, dont u think the words kinda familiar??(eventhough u dont really listen to nasyid, and like me, dont speak arabic?? :D)..it is funny sometimes when we listen to music and claim dat we are the die-hard fan of certain artist or group or watever, and yet, dont recognise the lyrics..

but, may b some of us do realise where i got the words..hehehee..(tp, x nk jwb quiz tu lak..aiseyhh)..

funny la jugak when we really wanna sing our fav song, from our fav singer, and start to search the lyrics so dat we can tell the whole world dat the door-size poster on the wall is a prove dat s/he's my idol..and yet dont know the real meaning of the so-called soothing lyrics..

but, may b some of us say, we know wat it means, by heart and dah kunyah lumat ditelan, lalu menjadi darah daging..sehari x ku dgr, bisa runtuh hidup ini..(ewahh i'm exaggerating :D )..

anyways,
the words are actually from TooPhat's Alhamdulillah, together with Dian & Yassin..dunno y tetiba terasa nk search for the arabic's part..and when i went tru the lyrics, hmm..not bad..good stuff, only for those who realise..not for those who sing bcoz it's TooPhat's, and sing it bcoz it's cool to do so, or sing just to know a bit of HipHop..

it is important to understand y, not just to know how..

like an assignmnt i hav now..i've found most of the relevent books, i've browsed tru some of them, i've borrowed them from library..but i hav to read them to validate my ideas, i hav to understand them to be able to convince my lecturer (give me more marks laa,plss) and frens..the assignmnt is about pharmaceutical, which is quite alien 2 me..hehee..but again, it is to understand dat, it is the knowledge i'm seeking for, not solely the mark..may b one day i'm going to biotech area..so dis thing is like a prepration, rite??..

a pain at the moment, and perhaps a cure for later..

so, if u r confused by my coretan, or u just browse tru without reading my essay, i just wanna get one thing across

it is to understand y, not just to know how

the bus

just like the bus leaving a city
the driver drives towards a destination
where passengers can stop along the journey
from the window
i can see ppl all around the city
unfamiliar faces with different agenda in mind
first impression doesnt count
but it leaves something in memory
even she's wearing black,
doesnt mean dats her fav color
but it says dat she has a black dress
something makes her bought it the other day
sitting in the bus
the conductor comes to me and i show him my ticket
if it's invalid
i might be thrown away
but of coz i've paid
i've prepared enuff money for the ride today
so, i sit still
bcoz ppl dont walk around in the bus
i dont recognise ppl beside or in front of me
i dont know their history
just like they dont know mine
but still, we r in the same bus
waiting to be at places we wanna be
we r under the same belief
dat the driver knows where the path is
he's the leader in our short journey
but we hav the rite to ask him
can u pls add a bit speed?
bcoz i'm in hurry
but a man in front of me insists
dat we shouldnt be speeding
bcoz my need doesnt speak for the majority
i agree
bcoz give and take is wat i believe in
so the driver drives slowly
may b someone should replace him
but if the new driver comes in
he might drive in speed
which more than half of the current passenger would find uneasy
ppl,
different in every inch
God create us with such diversity
so i learn from the one next to me
who's expensive clothes dont say his daily bills
he smiles at me
and i smile back politely
but, no!
i'm not into lovey-dovey kinda thing
i look over the window
realising my stop is coming
it's a rule
to ring the bell b4 the stop
bcoz the driver need to be ready
to know dat someone is about to leave
goodbye driver!
thank you driver!
as slow as u hav been
i've survived it
the bus left me already
just like the bus left the city
i'm nothing but a small part of it's daily routine

tekatekidotcom

[TekaTekiDotCom]

Can anyone tell me where these words come from?

ult li albi bissaraha
hayya nab'idil karaha
syakkireena a' kulli ni'ma
ba' ideena anil fattana

to be continued.........................................

Tick Tock

[Tick Tock Tick Tock]

Tick Tock
Tick Tock

so, they tell me time's running out
i'm fully aware of it
my homework's list seems longer than usual
i paste them all on the wall
so every morning i wake up with a purpose
n this mornig i woke up for a shopping
hmm..smart move?
i bet
now, it's late evening
n all i'm doing is updating my blog
hmm..smart move?
i bet

Tick Tock
Tick Tock

come on, gal
get started with the homework
i turn back to search my books
all i see is my laundry
saying 'hi' and 'kemas me'
looking still
my view stretched the whole room
hmm..how messy
lets do some kemas-ing
i start with my blanket
and there i found some shopping bags
hmm..i bought some clothes this morning
lets try them on!

Tick Tock
Tick Tock
cant u hear me?
shout the clock

Tick Tock
Tick Tock
dont u remember?
ur promise to the family?

Tick Tock
Tick Tock
dont u learn?
Al-Asr
"Demi Masa"

'A woman's heart is an ocean of deep secrets'

[A woman's heart is an ocean of deep secrets]

this entry is soo irrelevent bcoz of some unknown reason..confuse??me too..hehehee..

MY blog??..
some ppl advise me to b careful with my blog..
some ppl advise me to write useful stuff only..
some ppl advise me to write about my life so we'll still be in touch..
some ppl advise me to write my thoughts..
some ppl advise me to put my picture..
some ppl advise me to change my template..
some ppl advise me to update it regularly..
and the list can go on till i sacrifice my good-nite-sleep..

the thing is..overall,

'A woman's heart is an ocean of deep secrets'

u may b advicing me everything u want, but

who would know wat's in a gal's heart..
even when she's your bestfren whom u spend the days hanging out together and spend the nite talking of watever..
and how odd it seems for us to fail to see her problems and all the calling signs..
and sometimes, we just think all ppl rite in front of us dont understand wat lies in our fragile heart..
and there r times, when we wanna be completely alone, and at the same time wanting our frens to wait at the end of the road..
and most of the time, we called the ones far2 away to listen to our heart-wrencing life without wanting to hurt the one surrounds us..
i bet, complication is one of human's special talents, aye?

it's holiday once again..
unlike b4, i'm not excited about going places and hav fun and jalan2..
becoz unlike b4, i'm now trying to take a mighty deep breath and relax watever wobbles and maddens during the last few months..
it's been too tough 4 me 4 watever reason it brings..


Dear frens,
i owe u guys big time!it's just sometimes, words+feeling+me dont make a good team..

Dear frens,
if u think this thing is easy for me, i hope u r in 97% confidence interval becoz all i hav is 51%

Dear frens,
u may go asking urself 'ape saje la minah sorang nie?'
hmm..the thing is, i wish i can tell u wat bcoz me pon tgh penin..
and perhaps, i'm hoping u can tell me

Qs

[Qs]

..when homework n assignments are driving us crazee.. n this hectic life seems crowded with unwanted stuff and unwelcomed hurdles, we tend to seek solace in everyway we know..and sometimes we tend to doubt our own ability..

the "why's" and "if's" linger in the head, thinking all the possibilities that might occur if we turned right instead of left..wat happen if we decided on B instead of A..wat could happen if i didnt say that to him/her..perhaps these Qs will drive us crazier than b4..perhaps we are already tired of the "why's", "if's" and "maybe's"..

as normal human being, we always hav Qs in our mind..and seeing others doing some new things may bring curiousities..for me, dats how we learn about life as we dont hav all the time we want to experience every single thing..

being in this foreign land for about 2 yrs now, i've came across weird stuffn Qs dat i never imagined, especially regarding my hijab..

when all the ppl in this world are talking about september eleven and 'islamic terrorists', it is a wonder for me why some ppl asked me why i am wearing hijab..they thought it is bcoz of my culture, not my religion..some ppl thought i am an arab gal just bcoz i'm wearing hijab..and a gal asked me once, why i'm wearing blue hijab yesterday and grey today..

i never thought such Qs in my life..even my preparatory program did not prepare me for that..when they were told dat as a muslim we need to cover parts of our body, i hav such a hard time to explain the aurat..mainy bcoz, i was wearing my fav 3-quater shirt..

looking and reflecting back,

i am thankful to hav such experiences.. it makes me think and double check myself..why i do dat n and why i dont??why i can narrate all the theory but failed miserably in practicallity??why i can score A1 in my SPM for agama subject but a sound pass now??why i can recite Al-Quran everyday when i was in my boarding skol, but once-a-while when i was here??how come i can wear decent clothes throughout my skol years but not now??

if i do all that now, will it me a changed person when all my x-skolmates know dat we've done dat together in high skol??

looking and reflecting back,
is it the non-Muslim's fault dat they are sooo confused about us??

looking and reflecting back,
hav i changed just becoz i said the truth??

looking and reflecting back,
is it wrong to do wat's right??

looking and reflecting back,
where are we standing now??

looking and planning for future,
where are we heading next??


Me??
when the history haunts my living
or when the challenge is at its hardest hit,
they make a reason for a pain,
and if i falter
and if i stumble
let me fall..
becoz surely i shall arise
becoz by then,
i know wats i'm facing against



[good gal dont cry..much]

[sing me a song]

[Sing me a Song]

Di sini kita pernah bertemu
Mencari warna seindah pelangi
Ketika kau menghulurkan tanganmu
Membawaku ke daerah yang baru
Dan hidupku kini ceria

Kini dengarkanlah
Dendangan lagu tanda ingatanku
Kepadamu teman
Agar ikatan ukhuwwah kan bersimpul padu
Kenangan bersamamu Takkanku lupa
Walau badai datang melanda
Walau bercerai jasad dan nyawa

Mengapa kita ditemukan
Dan akhirnya kita dipisahkan
Mungkinkah menguji kesetiaan
Kejujuran dan kemanisan iman
Tuhan berikan daku kekuatan

Mungkinkah kita terlupa
Tuhan ada janji-Nya
Bertemu berpisah kita
Ada rahmat dan kasih-Nya
Andai ini ujian
Terangilah kamar kesabaran
Pergilah gelita hadirlah cahaya

{good girl dont cry..much}

my, my..

[My, My]

You Are Soo Open Minded That Your Brain Fell Out
You Are Soo Out Spoken That It Hurts What's Fragile Inside
And Yet, You Are My Friend

How complicated is that?
Sabar je la, awak..

[a road diverged in the yellow wood]

[A Road Diverged In The Yellow Wood]

caught in between..tired of uncertainty..sick of woobling heart..pening already..aiseyyhh..believe me, everyone feels the same once awhile..

'O Allah, I seek Your help in finding out the best course of action (in this matter) by invoking Your knowledge,

I ask You, to empower me, and I beseech Your favor.

You alone have the absolute power, while I have no power.

You alone know it all, while I do not.

You are the One who knows the hidden mysteries.

O Allah, if You know this thing (I am embarking on) is good for me in my religion, worldly life and my ultimate destiny,

then,

facilitate it for me, and then bless me in my action.

If,

on the other hand, You know this thing is detrimental for me in my religion, wordly life, and ultimate destiny,

turn it away from me,

and turn me away from it.........

and decree what is good for me,

whenever it may be........

and make me content with it.'

..as a Muslim, we put absolute trust in Allah..a Muslim must consciously give up his own desires and trust that he will find goodness, and indeed what is the best, in that which Allah has ordained..

..since the relationship with Allah deeply involves the heart, soul and mind of Muslim, the guidance that is sought is usually felt within the heart, rather than sensed by any of our physical senses, or dreamed while in a state of unconciousness..

..janji Allah itu pasti..
..Rest assured..

Wallahu A'lam

sorri

i'm sorri...

[quotable quotes]

[Quotable Quotes]

so, here's the stori..my frens n i went for a talk last weekend..at first i was quite hesitant..somehow, going for an Islamic talk is kinda alien for me..

besides, last weekend was very the very busy for me..with straining muscle aching all over my body n meetings to attend..rase mcm careerwoman plak..huhuhuu..

anyways, to cut the exaggerating stori, i went gak la for the talk..dah byk did the 'worldly' things..thus, it's time for a lil rest..

the talk is about knowledge in islam..(ok, dont go 'rifhan ke nie?' *wink*)

well, i cant tell every single detail..i'm sorri..hehehee..no, not bcoz i felt asleep laa..no need to give reasons laa..lets just say, it's sumthing to do with my limitation..hu3..

lagipon, if i wrote a lot, u guys might end up skipping or just browsing tru b4 clicking other web page..(gotcha!*wink*)

these are the things i learnt yersterday:

1]today's edu system ONLY prepares us for the industrial activities i.e work

2]knowledge in Islam is more than that.it's about learning something that u can teach somebody else(beneficial knowledge)

3]Intellect is NOT about getting a degree and NOT about science

4]intellect is about SEEing the SIGNS of science, REFLECTS it and RELATES BACK to Allah swt and USE for benefits of others

5]Ibadat is NOT ritual

6]Ibadat is like breathing.if we dont breathe, we DIE

STOP!think back the last 2 phrases^^^..hu3

ok, after u've think tru, then, u can read tru *wink*

Dictionary of the Day

INFORMATION = is like a donkey with a book on its back.the stuff is just there, without being used

KNOWLEDGE = is like a rider who leads the donkey and understands the content of the book

WISDOM = is knowing which bags contain which books, and knowing which one to read and apply

TIE UR CAMEL, THEN RELY TO ALLAH = ok, this one is kinda long..jgn skip, kay!hu3..

overall, it means 'make an effort, and rely to Allah'..

and now u will go asking me, how 'make an effort' relates to 'tie ur camel'..how to make an effort when u r tied?..

actually it means make an effort i.e berusaha, but remember Allah and the Do's & Dont's i.e limit/ restraint ur mind, adn avoid temptations..cool, kan?!


ok lah..that's all..i need to go to Lim supermarket..bukan utk meng'kaya'kn Mr.Lim yg i hardly know..but, to buy some food..Sumayyah nk buat macoroni..huhu..hungry anyone??i'll learn from her n cook 4 u guys later, insyaAllah..

so, dont terputus hubungan..hu3..

later, kay..wasslm

lime juice concept

[lime juice concept]

the weather is unpredictable...most of the time, it is sooo hot..sometimes, it looks like the rain is about to pour soon..so, this poor gal hav to bring along the umbrella in the already-full school bag..(can i bring my hand luggage to school so dat i dont hav to carry the heavy school bag on my back??hmmm..)i bet the weather gonna b like dat till autumn starts, for real..

these hot days make me crave for lime juice...the refreshing taste it brings is just not in my vocabulary to explain..i love lime juice..lalalaa..i've tasted the lime just as itself yrs ago..and, as u already know, it is sooo wayyy souurrr..stupid aint i?i dunno wat i was thinking at that time..may be the tranmitters in my brain arent enuff to send the obvious mssg or my reseptors were down at that time..either way, the curiousity pays..in a 'sour' way..hu3..but then, i always love lime juice..it is another great stori to express as u add some sugar, water and ice cubes with lime...sluurrppp...

so, this is life..

where the lime juice concept applies..as sour as some experiences mayb, if we add some 'sugar', 'water' and 'ice cube', we'll feel and taste dat sweet thing..wat sweet thing u shall ask me..but it's not me to answer, but for u to find out..like the Nike advertisement on tv says 'look on the bright side of life'..

qouting phrases from my reading,

ketika seseorang mmberi anda segelas air limau, anda perlu menambah sesudu gula ke dlm nya,
ketika mndapat hadiah seekor ular, ambil saja kulitnya yg mahal dan tinggalkn bahagian tubuhnya yg lain,
ketika disengat kala jengking, ketahuilah sengatan itu mmberi kekebalan pada tubuh anda dari bahaya bisa ular.

Wallahu'alam

third yr blues, baby

[third yr blues,baby] it's only my 1st week of yr 3 at uni and yet i've already felt the heat and pain..but, to put them in more +ve words, they are more like challenges and hurdles of life..Tuhan xkn mmbebankn kita dgn apa yg kite x mampu buat..i believe dat when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.. despite my daunting schedule, i managed to find time for my reading stuff..as boring and nerdy as it may sound, i always know dat i find my solace in reading, to some extend..by the way, i just finished reading 'the wedding' by one of my fav authors, nicholas sparks..kinda touching stori but it never beats the one he wrote b4, 'the rescue' or 'the bend in the road'..they brought me to tears, though..hu3.. at the same time, i feel like reading some serious stuff..dats y i bought 'the malay dilemma' by DrM..been reading a few pages..and looking 4ward to finish it asap..good stuff..i learnt a lot..eventhough the truth hurts..but again, dat is his personal view, a view from a wise man..nevertheless, we should think from different aspect and try to walk in one's shoes b4 making conclusions or follow blindly..(even a blindman has common sense)..btw, looking 4ward to get more books written by our x-p.m..may b if u guys ever wonder wat to buy for me, consider buying me one of his books ;) i m also occupied with another book..kinda motivational book, 'Dont b sad'@ 'Jangan bersedih' @ 'La Tahzan'..very2 good one..highly recommended for teens like me who always feels down and going crazee lalala..he3.. hmm..i think i'll make a summary now and then about books..ala2 review frm a complete idiot like me..insyaAllah..rite now, i should b going back to my study..i've wasted soooo much time b4 this.. p/s: my comp break down, no internet at this new home yet, my hp bills gone up, my studies getting harder, my diary is already full, my student advisor giving silent threat, my social life is questioned, my neurontransmitters are doubled(due to the caffein)..my room is a mess, my homework n assignmnt are already Q-ed up (n i detected a due-date congestion at certain weeks).. my head is spinning, my body is weaken, my heart is broken, my innerself is tested.. wat ever it takes,man..i'm gonna get tru this.. if 'give up' is in the dictionary, i believe it's not mine.. grant me guides, grant me strength, ya Allah..

pasir gudang, the ending

[Pasir Gudang: The Ending]

tomorrow is my last practical day..

*~which means i'm out of here..
(out of MSE)

*~which means i'm going back to the north..
(to the embrace of my hometown)

*~which means it's about time 4 uni, again..
(good grades, FOR REAL!)

*~which means i've gained lots of memories..
some r good (working environment)..
some r bad (certain working environment)..
some r funny (spontaneous or slapstick)..
some r irritating (not worth remembering)..
some r just, watever..(yeah, watever!)

*~which means i've changed to some extend..
(achne prob, among others)

*~which means i've seen world in larger view..
(the least is that i was at spore-msia border)

*~which means i hav enuff of some 'thing'..
(another of 'it' within this short time, i'll go crazee)

*~which means i'm looking forward for other 'thing'..
(talking about wind of change..)

*~which means i've met new ppl..
some ppl i like( my johorian frens etc)..
some i dont (sorri, i cant help it..)..
some ppl like me (i think so..)..
some just dont (sure nyer..getting used to it)..

*~which means i appreciate every good stuff i learnt..
(will guide me, hopefully)

*~which means i'm thankful for bad things happened as they also taught me lottss..
(good girl dont cry...much)

*~which means i'm sorry for all my misbehaviours, rudeness and rejections..
(dark side of me..no one's perfect but dats not the reason to hurt ppl....i knowww..)

*~which means, my apologies if i ever hurt ur feeling..
(if u never see me being serious, this is the time..)

what matter most is,

Today is my 2nd last practical day
so, wats next?!

------------------------------------------------

[Boleh jadi kamu mmbenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu,
dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui
(Al-Baqarah: 216)]

family man

[Family Man]

the last episode of Family Man was aired last tuesday..hmm..not a bad stori..actually watching chinese opera is always my fav past time..or part time..he3..especially every weekdays on tv3..with my sisters n mum..my fav chinese actor is Louis Khoo..his kinda a bit dark for a chinese guy..but, who cares anyways..

back to Family Man..it's a stori about a loving adorable single dad who takes care of his 4 daughters..daughters with lots of attitude..i onli watched the last few episodes bcoz i wasnt been introduced to it b4 that..but, its not that hard to join the pieces together n understand the storiline..

what affects me most was the last episode which reflected the sacrifices made by the grey-haired dad all tru his life..and it reminds me of my own dad, in some kind of way..

my dad is the one who nurtures me to love sport e.g hockey n netball..n i dont mind watching football..in fact, if i'm miles from home, watching football match reminds me of my dad and the kacang pagoda he always eats during the game..he teaches me the beauty of my individuality..guide me to think like a wise man..and to be resposible like a man and yet, behave like a lady..he gives heaps useful advices..just like the dad in Family Man..the one which rings most in my head is to appreciate ppl in front of u..very true..

..thinking tru, it's odd how, sometimes,

we really want something dats far reaching and forget to embrace watever lays in front..

and how many times in my life i've mulled over the past and missed all the excitement and opportunity dats present offers..

and the moments where mistakes and obstacles conquered the mind n blurred the silver lightning flashed..

and the countless time for me to rush to uni n disregard the scenery the city grants..(may b i should go to uni earlier..he3..)

thus, i'm making conclusions dat..

forget not the past,
as history teaches ppl,

neglect not the present,
as today pictures future,

ignore not the dream,
as the power it brings,
is the hardest to beat..