my granma is getting better, alhamdulillah..turns out to be dat the tumor is aint a tumor..so, up to this point, my famili is still waiting for the medical result of hers..silently, we prayed for the best..and loudly in my heart, i ask myself to be patient..sometimes, i feel betrayed when i smile..with exams in my hand and famili at my heart, i left both to Allah, who undoubtedly, owns everything.. by God's will, i'll be home in a matter of time..cant help but wonder wat gonna happen..the last time i went back, well, i shall say, i've made drastic decisions in my life..life, changes people..no point of saying 'i'm the same old me' when we know we should improve ourselves every time..looking back my at previous entries, i wrote lots about changes..mayb some readers are already sick of it..but, it's my blog anyways ;) life's tough, but dont crumble to my famili, I'll be home soon and sitting next to you..insyaAllah

While I'm typing this entry, my granma is in the operation room..she was discovered to have brain tumor..so, when i ask myself what to do now? all I'm saying to myself is, be strong and pray to Him for the best course for everyone..crying is ok, but not the best thing to do bcos crying doesnt remove the tumor from the brain, but prayer is always listened by Allah ;)

being the first grandaughter in the family is such a huge responsible..somehow, it's like being a role model..i hav to be strong for my mum and my famili..i'm glad both my big bros are with my mum rite now..she just lost her younger sister early this year..(my auntie passed away due to breast cancer)..my dad has to go back bcos he hav kursus in Penang tomorrow..well, he shouldnt be driving alone bcs he himself is not very well..with the gout and his fav cigarette..hmmm..it's been a difficult time for my famili this year..and it's harder for me as i'm far away..sometimes i think i didnt do my job as the eldest..but again, everything happen for a reason..and i believe in Him..

I'm grateful this week and next are the last third of Ramadhan..more reason to pray harder to Him..

Pah, moge cepat sembuh!

Demi Masa! Sesungguhnya manusia itu dalam kerugian Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh, dan mereka pula berpesan-pesan dengan kebenaran serta berpesan-pesan dengan sabar. Telah kita telan lumat surah Al-Asr Telah bertahun menjadi hafalan Telah sebati dalam solat sehari semalam dan di bulan ini, telah dibelenggu syaitan dari mengganggu anak2 Adam tertanya kpd diri, manakah letak penghayatan ayat yg sentiasa mnjadi bacaan? lemah menyerah kalah taburi masa luang yg ada lalai mengingatkn tentang yg haq mmberi laluan kpd amarah kita hanya manusia, yang akan kembali kpd Rabb ampuni kami ya Allah, beri kami peluang yg ke beribu kali Tuhan dulu pernah aku menagih simpati Kepada manusia yang alpa jua buta Lalu terheretlah aku dilorong gelisah Luka hati yang berdarah kini jadi parah Semalam sudah sampai kepenghujungnya Kisah seribu duka ku harap sudah berlalu Tak ingin lagi kuulangi kembali Gerak dosa yang menghiris hati Tuhan, dosa itu menggunung Tapi rahmat-Mu melangit luas Harga selautan syukurku Hanyalah setitis nikmat-Mu di bumi Tuhan walau taubat sering kumungkir Namun pengampunan-Mu tak pernah bertepi Bila selangkah kurapat pada-Mu Seribu langkah Kau rapat padaku

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world; As I grew older and wiser I realized the world would not change. And I decided to shorten my sights somewhat and change only my country, But it too seemed immovable. As I entered my twillight years, in one last desperate attempt, I sought to change only my family, those closest to me; But alas they would have none of it. And now here I lie on my death bed and realize (perhaps for the first time) That if only I'd changed myself first, Then by example I may have influenced my family, And with their encouragement and support I may have bettered my country, And who knows I may have change the world *Quoted from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens written by Sean Covey*

dats wat he said..but, the steps might seem very familiar to some people..but again, setiap titisan ilmu itu comes from Allah..when we know about it, we'll put it in a practical way, insyaAllah..

to change or to improve ourselves is not an over-nite work..but it is not a reason for us to delay..to take the first step takes guts..needs to ignore the staring eyes, the sarcastic remarks and the raising eyebrows..people will talk, and talking is wat they will do..but eventually the whispers and noises will die out..we will hurt because we let go something that has been with us for years..but all start well ends well..if bermulanya langkah kerana Allah, biarlah Allah yg menilai, bukan mata manusia yg mnjadi rantai..

to make resolution is easy..just like many people love to make azam tahun baru every year..talk is cheap because supplies exceed demands..dat is why i think to take the first step takes guts..not everyone can do it..but even if we dont want to change the world, do we really want to be with people who cant improve himself?hmm.....................................

i've made a few changes to my life, and same goes to my frens..from the smallest to the largest yet..but who knows how far we can go except Him..wat i thought i can never do is wat i've been doing right now..though it is funny sometimes to look back all those years, i keep it vivid in my mind the struggle i went tru..no one is perfect but there is no room for second mistake either..

like a ballon dat expands bcos of the air, our patience and maturity expand bcos of the seconds we left behind

unlike a ballon dat pops bcos of too much air, we hunger for challenge and hard time to fill in our preparation of brighter future..

let's improve and let's welcome challenges!

kerana sesungguhnya selepas kesulitan itu ada kemudahan,

sesungguhnya selepas kesulitan itu ada kemudahan

Harapan Ramadhan Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna Agar dapat kulalui Dengan sempurna Selangkah demi selangkah Setahun sudah pun berlalu Masa yang pantas berlalu Hingga tak terasa ku berada Di bulan Ramadhan semula Puasa satu amalan Sebagaimana yang diperintahNya Moga dapat ku lenturkan Nafsu yang selalu membelenggu diri Tiada henti-henti Tak ingin ku biarkan Ramadhan berlalu saja Tuhan pimpinlah daku yang lemah Mengharungi segalanya dengan sabar Kita memohon pada Tuhan diberikan kekuatan Ku merayu pada Tuhan diterima amalan Selangkah demi selangkah Dengan rahmatMu oh Tuhanku Ku tempuh jua Ramadhan dtg lagik, syaitan kena ikat and manusia kehilangan satu alasan kalo dia buat jahat..means, syaitan dah xde nk kena blame..so, it's a good time to see how far sebenarnye kite mampu control ourselves..mayb all dis while syaitan rilek2 je pengaruh kite, jentik sket dah makan umpan..kite lak bulat2 blame syaitan.. sebab tue, pengaruh untuk buat mende2 salah nie ade dua sumber je..satu, syaitan yg sememangnye ber-vision-kan untuk menyesatkan anak2 adam, by any means they can get their hands on..dua, manusia sdr yg pengaruh kite..org sekeliling, masyarakat, tanpa kita sedar atau tidak..or perhaps, kita pon pernah pengaruh org buat mende2 ntah ape2..sbb tue, bulan puase nie bile syaitan dah kena ikat, ade manusia yg masih mmbuat dosa..the truth hurts but sometimes pernah tak terpikir yg kite yg x reti nk control our own selves?fingers are easily pointed to others..becos we hardly check diri sdr..so, lets look back at ourselves..the mirror hanging on the wall is not for telling who's the fairest of them all.. as i'm typing, i'm reminding myself..i'm also a human with lots of kesilapan dan kelemahan..i'm still struggling to improve myself..especially when yesterdays are too pahit untuk ditelan and to vivid to forget..and i'm truly, truly, truly sori if i hurt any of you along the way..these past few weeks are mighty tough, and it is even tougher to stay tough.. there is no second mistake, especially when you are given a second chance.. i'm sorry, from the very bottom of my heart Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna Agar dapat kulalui Dengan sempurna Selangkah demi selangkah Setahun sudah pun berlalu Masa yang pantas berlalu