When the plane took off and I saw the cotton-like clouds through the windowpane, I wondered how such innocent clouds could shake the big whole plane?
When I was standing by the male-dominated seaport, waiting for the boat to bring me offshore, I asked myself, what on earth am I doing here?
When I was staring at the white ceiling in my hotel room, I tried to recall was it seasick or the seasick pills that caused my head, and the entire room, spinning?
When I was waiting in the cold and humming airport, I wondered what were they feeling when the ever-smiling stewardess announced that flights were delayed for another few hours?
When I was sitting next to a little blond, blue-eyed girl in the plane, I have the urge to ask the lucky mother how does it feel to have such a darling little angle in her arms every night?
When the taxi driver drove me home through the starless night, I kept on thinking if it will be another breezy, rainy night?
A lot of thoughts been running through my aching brain and they are taking tolls on my serenity lately. Sometimes I wish I can do less thinking and do things rather abruptly. To be less like me and run free. To take the easy way out and hide. But for every action, there is reaction. And I am a firm believer that what goes around, comes around. True, the world does not depend solely on me. But I matter to the little world of mine, either I want it or not.
Some may say my life has nothing fascinating to tell. Maybe, but to me, my life, so far, has caused me enough tears to drown my sanity and sufficient wound to scar my beaten soul. Do not get me wrong, my life is not consistently bleak, sad and melancholic. In fact, the things that push me through the suffocating moments and pull me out of the trapping quick-sand are the colorful moments of the past, grateful day of the present and promising rainbows of tomorrow. The people, the time, the place. All in one heartening package, like a powerful tonic satisfying my thirst through a constant trial of life. Exaggerating? To you maybe, to me, it is 100%ly true.
I believe, most of the times, we have to be strong and hang on to the positive side of the world so that our presence in this temporary world counts later. No matter how complicated the work is, no matter how lonely the heart is, no matter how clingy people around us may be, no matter how badly we want the soaring dream to be that tangible thing, no matter how impossible the journey may seem, believing that the positive power we bring to others along the struggling stream- may it be happiness, love or a temporary relief, is a very soothing promise.
Besides, seeing other people smile is very rewarding. And silently I pray, one day, perhaps one day, hopefully one day, I have that smile in my eyes, that warm bliss in my heart and happiness it shines so bright that it touches right through the heart.
Till then, keep on rolling! Because when the going gets tough, the tough gets going
