I have a very little memory of me riding a bicycle. Perhaps because I am not really fond of cycling or lets just put the blame on my elder brothers whom I shared the bicycle with. I didn't recall my father guided or taught me cycling. If my memory serves me well, I think my brothers did that, though maybe for a few seconds. But I do remember the blue bicycle and few scars it gave me. And I obviously went through my teenage life very much without a bicycle to carry me around. Funny thing, it never bothers me though it completely astounded people. Who on earth does not know how to cycle? Well, me??!!hahahha.. I love The Look I got from people from time to time. It is really funny though they thought the joke is on me.

I skipped few vehicle generations and here I am with a driving license and my not-so-compact car. Am I thrilled? I am not completely sure. But having something new is absolutely an overwhelming feeling. I feel content looking at my parents happy with the new car. And when I am behind the wheel, it feels good, though my driving skill is yet to convince my father. Yes, this time around I will always remember the one person who taught me how to drive. Driving maybe trivial for some people. But for me, I feel different. It feels like I am really growing up and driving my own life.

My best friend once told me that it feels good once we overcome our fear. Yes, she is completely right. I am not a risk taker and adventurous enough to jump at every chances. I always know I am always careful and have those wary eyes when I look at the world's offerings. Maybe I have trust issues or maybe it is one of those middle child syndromes. If only we have all the answers to our problems, then the world is one peaceful planet without its challenges.

In three days time, I am turning 25. I am not that old but obviously not getting younger either. And sometimes when I heard the clock ticks, I wonder how my life would end. I had some milestones to achieve when I am turning 25 but having a car is not one of them. I always thought buying certain things like car and house is what me and my husband would decide. But since the latter is yet to descent from above, I believe what I want is completely different what He has in store for me.

No matter what the future lies, we have no choice but to go on with it. But we surely have choices ample enough to pick from and made the right decision, though it may not be the best and happiest choice of all. If we are driven by fear, we are running from something, we get tired and we surrender. But if we are driven by dreams and hope, we are running towards something, we get recharge and we strive.

We run towards the sun. We see the light and forget the shadow. Yes, we run towards the sun. And this time, I am through with running, I'm driving~!

Drive
by Incubus

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty shining clear.
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear take the wheel and steer.

It's driven me before and it seems to have a vague haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes, yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.
I'll be there.

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive,
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found.

I avoid conflict like a plague
When there’s a case, I'll make myself scarce
No point of adrenaline rush,
Because when there's a crash, I'll say 'hush'
Yes, I am not a born fighter
I cower with the first glimpse of fear
I'll get my blanket and hide somewhere in the corner
Waiting for the knight in shining armor
But it has been hundred years
And my heart can wait no longer
The room is getting darker
And I think the knight never know that I am here
I may not be a fighter
But I always know I am practical
When someone's not here to bring me to haven
I think I should just crawl to the shelter
Though fear is like a shadow behind my shoulder
As long as I cling to the promise of the sun
The brightness will blind me from the darkness
Guess my knight will have to trace my tears I left on trail
If he ever wants to say hello
I am a believer
And if He says will be, it will
The bitter is getting better
And I am further away from beaten
By God’s will, Amiin


Better man
by Robbie WIlliams

Send someone to love me; I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm in pouring rain
Give me endless summer, Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old before my time

As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can to be a better man

Go easy on my conscience 'cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught to take the blame
Rest assured my angels will catch my tears
Walk me out of here I'm in pain

Once you've found that lover you're homeward bound
Love is all around
I know some have fallen on stony ground
But Love is all around

There are happy times,
There are challenging times,
But you are my friend,
All the time
Be strong to face life, as I know you can
But if you need to break and cry
He listens, and He surely guides

I am a middle child who is caught in the middle
Luckily I am not a middle age person or it might be a mid-life crisis all together

I prefer to be outside the circle as the circumstances maybe circulated
Hopefully I am not encircled by them or I will feel enclosed and keep on closing

I am speechless to explain the so-called unspeakable
Especially when the spoken words are renditions

I am an escapee who is trying to escape this scoop
Expectantly I am no scapegoat to those who is after someone’s throat

I am optimist who opts for optimization
Hopefully opportunity is no optical illusion

I am feeling a bit flattened after a fall
Possibly when I fall, I fall hard and full of feelings

I am not heart broken though my heart ache
Those heartless human only hardens me as humanely as possible

I am still standing like a statue amidst a stampede
Perhaps the reason I stood steady is because I lack sanity

I am who I am
I have played demon and angel
I have broken down and built up
I have drown and emerged
I have gave up and kept on
I have gone full cycle but I am yet to reach my destination

If it is the journey that really counts
Then I will give my flesh and skin for you to scar
Mark my word but don't touch my heart

Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
by Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So, make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable but, in the end, is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So, take the photographs and still-frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable but, in the end, is right
I hope you had the time of your life

Aku berlari mencari cita
Aku berhati-hati mencari cinta
Aku mendaki menakluk punca

Ceritakan padaku
Ada apa pada seribu kisah
Hingga tiada kata mampu menterjemah
Hingga mata berkaca. Merah. Basah.
Terlalu asyik mengkaji tanah
Sampaikan semut tak lagi sebesar zarah

Tiada kisah. Cuma sejarah
Aku tahu arah. Tidak mengalah
Cuma tak kuasa lagi aku mengejar pelangi
Meskipun datang selepas hujan
Lebih rela aku basah dari ku kejar ilusi mentah-mentah
Lebih baik demam dari tergamam melihat harapan berbalam.
Kelam. Pejam. Kejam.

Mengapa mahu malam terus-terusan
Subuh tetap datang. Embun pagi akan tetap hilang
Mengapa mahu malam panjang-panjangan
Bagaikan musim sejuk di kutub dunia
Gelap. Dingin. Sunyi. Apakah yang ada? Tiada.

Malamku merenung langit
Luka-luka hidupku dikering angin dingin
Apalah ada pada siang? Desir angin itu jua satu-satunya muzik

Mengapa seperti pesimis?

Tidak pesimis tapi praktik.

Praktikkah berlari mengejar cita, mencari cinta dan menakluk punca dalam malam gelap-gelita?

Gelapkah malam? Ada bulan bintang

Tapi siang jauh lebih terang. Ada suria. Nampak segala

Nampak segala. Makin keliru. Jalan buntu.

Nampakkah aku? Aku bersamamu.
Rebahkan kelirumu dibahuku.
Keluar dari malam. Padamu kuberikan siang.

Kau mahu berlari mencari cita? aku bersamamu setiap batu
Kau berhati-hati mencari cinta? aku berhati-hati menyinta
Kau mendaki menakluk punca? aku jatuh bangun sehingga ke puncak
Jangan pergi. Aku disini.

Berhenti menangis. Ucapkan selamat tinggal malam.
Padamu kuberi siang. Selamat siang!

Siapa kamu? Jangan berjanji. Aku benci.

Tidak berjanji tapi kata-kata yang ada saksi.
Satu peluang. Beribu siang.

Aku tak berjanji. Tapi kurindu jua siang ku...


Say by John Mayer

Take all of your wasted honor.
Every little past frustration.
Take all of your so called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations.
Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army,
Fighting with the shadows in your head.
Living up the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead
If you could only...Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in.
Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.
Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closing,
Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say

My constant outstations are my holidays paid by my employer
My towering in-coming documents are my table origami
My colorful post-it-notes are my favorite collage
My demanding work is a tool towards global champion, albeit reluctantly
My occasional headache is a sign that I am indeed thinking
My long, daily walk to the LRT station is my ever forgotten exercise
My long overdue social life is a fortress against social illness and such
My small, cluttered room is a haven without boundary
My pain-inducing shoes are main reasons for my shopping spree
My busy neighborhood gives me security at night
My everyday visits to mamak stalls are my effort on efficient time-management and economic inducement project
My need to pack, unpack and re-pack again and move in to a new place is a breath of new life
My unexpected/expected calls from known/unknown people are interludes to my humdrum predictable/unpredictable life

Yup, we have to look on the bright side of life
But sometimes the light is so bright that I just have to close my eyes
Letting the blowing wind touches my face, drying my tears


The Rose
by Westlife

some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
some say love it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.

some say love it is a hunger
an endless, aching need
i say love it is a flower,
and you it's only seed.

it's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
it's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance

it's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live.

when the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long.
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong.

just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow
lies the seed that with the sun's love,
in the spring, becomes the rose.

Orang kata hati aku keras macam batu
Ada yg mengayat tapi buat tak tau
Orang kata hati aku lembut macam span
Paksa lebih sikit jarang tak dapat
Orang kata hati aku pernah terluka
Sebab tu cakap apa pon, macam tak terbuka
Orang kata hati aku ni rapuh
Kena jaga elok2 sebab senang tersentuh
Orang kata hati aku dia punya
Sebab hari tu nampak macam setuju je
Orang kata hati aku dah berpunya
Umur macam ni takkan still single
Orang kata hati aku penuh rahsia
Kalau tanya, senyum je jawapannya
Orang kata hati aku dah xde ruang
Kalau nk masuk kena tunggu line panjang
Orang kata hati aku kosong melopong
Takde ape2 dalamnye, memang zero
Orang kata hati aku dah banyak tampal
Nak cari ubat pon dah habis akal
Orang kata hati aku berkata-kata dalam senyap
Kena dengar betul-betul baru dapat tangkap
Orang kata hati aku dalam macam laut dalam
Kena ready oxygen tank besar kalau nak selam
Orang kata hati aku dah sesat kat mana2 ntah
Sebab tu dia cari berjuta batu sampai rasa nak muntah
Orang kata hati aku kejam
Ada kata2 yg keluar, tajam menikam
Orang kata hati aku halus tulus mulus
Sebab bila cari tak pernah nampak, hatta lagi kecik dari semut
Orang kata hati aku dah patah
Kena ikat buku sila baru tak retak
Orang kata hati aku kena pandu
Sebab nampak macam xde hala tuju
Orang kata hati aku bentuk tunggul kayu
Kalau tersepak: sakit, kalau dihias cantik: letak kat penjuru
Orang kata hati aku bulat
Sebab tu tak boleh duduk setempat
Orang kata hati aku tawar hebbe
Takde rasa apatah lagi perasaan
Orang kata hati aku manis
Tengok senyum bisa cair

Aku kata hati aku ada aje, biasa aje
Cuma selalunya tak terkata apa2
Sebab hati aku, hanya Dia yang tahu segala

As I walk down this road
Its long and winding path is taking its toll on me
Tired and almost beaten, the easy way out is echoing my name
My knees hurt
The long days of standing still and catching up with the fast lane are to blame
My head pounds
These calculations of life combined with its so many variables are yet to equate
My eyelids close
The troubles playing right in front are not pretty scenes to take
My ears sting
These stories they tell sound just like terrible songs on a broken record they forever play
And my heart, it was broken
But I have cemented it well to heal
Thus it hardens to ensure I am still here
Walking down this road
As if nothing has happened
I am not playing superhuman
The world still rotates and spins on its axis even if I am nowhere on the streets
But having this stubborn streak in me is sometimes is a good thing
It keeps me going

If that is not the scariest dream of all, it might as well be the cruelest joke ever. Funny how most dreams will be erased from our memories once we woke up, but some will just play itself as if it is the only button on the remote control. Yup, I had a bad dream the other day.

How powerful is a dream, really? In some culture, dreams alone shall determine if a person breathes the next day or, if he is slightly lucky, if he will be exiled from his own people, or not. I am not sure if it is still practiced in today's hi-tech world but the thought never seems impossible.

Some expert says that dream is a product of what have been occupying our mind most of the time. Maybe. But again, maybe not. Perhaps, when we are at a point when our patience is about to snap, or the issues of life are so overwhelming, the syaitan will come along and play their tunes, insisting us to dance along. Nevertheless, I refuse to let the dreams dictate my life, at least not the kind of dream one's get in the sleep, no matter how disturbing and how vivid it is in my memory.

Life is a bed of roses, literally speaking. Like roses, life can be so promisingly colorful and smells so good that we insist it never ends. And also, like roses, life has its own small but pointy thorns which can bruise us, if we are not careful enough. Yes, life is indeed a bed of roses.

There are times I wish life would be much simpler.

Dear heart, don't fail me
Dear hope, don't leave me
Dear dreams, don't discourage me
Dear love, no more thinking

You gotta be
by Des'ree

Listen as your day unfolds;
Challenge what the future holds;
Try to keep your head up to the sky;
Lovers they may cause you tears;
Go ahead release your fears;

Stand up and be counted;
Don't be ashamed to cry;

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser;
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger;
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together;
All I know, all I know love will save the day;

Herald what your mother said;
Read the books your father read;
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time;
Some may have more cash than you;
Others take a different view;

Time asks no questions, it goes on without you;
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace;
The world keeps on spinning, can't stop it if you tried to;
This time it’s danger staring you in the face;
Remember;

It is still early to talk about New Year. Be it in Islamic calendar or Gregorian calendar, the very first days of both years were just around the corner. To add to the list, the Chinese will also be celebrating their new Ox year in few weeks. Yes, we have more reasons to talk about New Year.

It is expected of us to talk about new resolution during these days, regardless we have one or a few new ones, or a slightly different version of last's. And why not? New year has always been associated with new hope, another chance of betterment and some moment of silence for self-reflection.

Looking back, there is nothing I can do to change whatever had occurred, no matter how much I want it. Sometimes, I let myself wonder to the 'what ifs' world just to entertain myself. Pathetic, yes! And to tell you the truth, eventually, at the end of my 'what ifs' imagination, I always come back to the same conclusion-Nothing better than the yesterdays' reality. Another proof of His mighty planning.

At present, I am always an optimistic person as I believe I am, though I am not sure what challenges I have at the moment. Most of the time, during my catch-up sessions with my friends, I have nothing much to tell. Obviously some of them have reached different kind of phases in their life- a girlfriend, a fiancee, a wife, a mother, a graduate, a new employee, a certified-professional-to-be etc. thus, have different excitement in their life. So, I prefer to listen to those new stories of theirs and join in the conversation every now and then. It is a good feeling to realize that how many years have passed and we have been friends for more than, or almost, a decade. And I believe I don't want it to stop any time soon, and perhaps ever, no matter if nothing-much-to-tell stories of mine are the only version I have.

How about the future? Nobody can predict what will and will not happen and I am no exception. Nevertheless, I am an optimist as I believe I am. And though I never know what in store with every eye blink, or shorter, I will look everyday, and maybe every second, as another new hope, another chance of betterment and some moment of silence for self-reflection. No, I will not wait for the New Year to knock on my door to do those.

Owh, is that my New Year resolution?!

You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up to more than I can be.

There is no life no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.