it is raining again in Miri
it always rains this past few days
my room has a nice view of Miri city
i can see the canada hill where there were beautiful fireworks displays on the chinese new year night two days back
i can see the river that leads to the wide sea, so calm it seems
i love sitting near the vast window
looking as farthest as the eyes can see
lost in my own train of thoughts

it rains, and it brings the sentimental in me
i have been thinking a lot lately
and mostly it is all about me
i have been thinking too much that it scares me
i shouldnt be left alone
because i know my mind will start to wonder and wander
and now it has started to do just that
i cant really reverse and rewind

who am i
what am i doing here
what i want
what i really want
who are these people
who are they in my life
what have i done
what i havent done enuff
what is my aim
what is my dream
how am i going to get there
whom to ask
whose strength and warmth am i asking for
how long will it take
who will travel along with me
who will really travel along with me

so it rains again
and i m boarding my train of thoughts
and Allah is All-Knowing when i myself know not

i always think i m an optimist, always looking on the bright side of life, believes that there is hope and dream is a powerful weapon. and that is why i am still standing. still standing tho the ground shakes and the sky darkens. i hv given my best but some believe that my best is not the best yet.

so they keep on pushing me. asking me to dream big, bigger than what i believe i can reach. ushering me towards the limitless sky, higher than i imagine i could fly. forcing me to think outside the box until my brain wanted to explode, and convincing me that the sea is big but the ocean has endless limit.

i'm shouting 'stop!' but they smile and pat on my back. saying that there is something in me that needs a bit of polishing.

no, no, no! get away from me. i need a space for me. i want to run and let the sweat drowns me. i want to fly and see everything i want to see. dont push me anymore. you are getting me close to the cliff. and i m not sure if i can handle another fall. not after..well, not after the last tragedy..just dont! because if u insist, i think i will..well, just dont, okay! big girl dont cry, much.. and i dont like crying as crying is too tiring. and crying breaks my scarcely-there will..and crying makes me lonely and crying just kills me..believe me!

i need time. a time to think, a time to heal, a time to feel, a time to be what i really want to be. some time, that u hardly gives me

Guide me Allah. make me among those who hv your guidance. I only hv You, when others is nowhere to be seen.

to whom it may concern,

the sun may shine but the cloud covers the beautiful sunshine
to whom it may concern,
the star is bright but the Milky Way is too wide
to whom it may concern,
the sea is calm but the under-current grows by miles
to whom it may concern,
the flower blooms proudly but it is only for display
to whom it may concern,
there is silver lighting in the darkest day but the speed is too high that it gets away
to whom it may concern,
the road splits into two opposite ways but it looks right the same
to whom it may concern,
the one who talks is talking but who is listening anyway
to whom it may concern,
can you introduce yourself today?