Storm

The lightning is stabbing the pain

And the thunder amplifies the maim

And the raindrops cleanse the ache

Even when this silence is deafening

It is just a moment away from a storm coming

Let it rain

Let it drains

Let’s go insane

I just want it rains..just like now..just like today

Nothing like yesterday

Today is a perfect melancholy day

I finally set my heart to leave
And it came to me like a harsh storm
It might be a fate that will wash away like the rain
Because it was more painful than a fate shattered like glass
At the end of this walk, I let you know but you wouldn’t know

I was sick with a love fever
The meaning of these tears trickling to my dried lips- you’ll never know

Storm by Super Junior

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Telling myself..everything will be alright

And to face reality, heads on, even when it is a pure pain, even when it is back-stabbing

Weakening me, leaving me nothing but emptiness and sadness

A hollow in my heart and heavy tears in my mind

So here I am telling to my faithful diary

One day I will wonder why I am so weak

Giving in to this stupid misery

But now, I want to cry for my pathetic life

So stagnant and dry

Boulevard of broken dreams

by Greeenday

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines

What's f*** up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one and I walk a...

how far would I go forward without looking back on the past

“...when I was little...I was out riding my brand-new blue bicycle...when I decided to see how far I could keep going...without looking back even once” 

This quote comes from an anime that I watched years back. Every time the quote came out, it always gets me thinking. Even now, it still rings in my head. The anime’s interpretation is open for discussion. I guess, only the creator knows best. But for me, though I lack the cycling experience, I always relate it to how far would I go forward without looking back on the past. Moving on, moving forwards. 

The reasons I like the quote maybe because it reminds me not to linger much on the tortured past. Or it reminds me that whatever I am doing now will be in past tense in mere seconds. Or it reminds me the past is always right behind me, looming around. Or it reminds me that the past is what mold me today. Or it questions me why should I run away from the past. Or it measures my persistence, that one thing I always lack.   

I hate it when this sentimental mode struck me. It makes me mellow. 

“You choose to give up or make an effort. There are only these two choices for humans to choose from.”

Life is a constant struggle. But as a Muslim, we know that this life of ours is already planned by Him in the most beautiful way, no matter how awful we thing it is. Because we are only human and He is The All Knowing. It is up to us to be thankful and repent for all the sins that we intentionally or unintentionally convicted. 

Every day the sun rises and sets. We have no choice but to move on. No matter what the past holds, regardless of my shattering heart, despite of my teary eyes and even with these heavy and wobbly steps of mine, every day is a new day. Another chance to improve myself, another chance to run towards my dreams, another chance to repent and another chance to find myself amidst of this crazy world. Before it is too late, before I am awaken to a different world.

“But you should go, if that’s what you need to do to get over it. You should go and cry your heart out.”

An excerpt from a song says…

You, that is like the blue sky,

Suddenly pours rain

And when my body gets wet from this rain

I’ll hide the flowing tears

My favorite quote of all time, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going~!

I’m smiling, what else I should do then. Crying is just blurring my eyes.

This song just made my day. Happy, moving on, step by step. Enjoying life and being positive no matter how gloomy the days are.

Oh Wa by L. Sung Min of SuJu

Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Pit-a-pat, tomorrow that is being unfold
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Together just like this alright

Though it’s clumsy
It’s fine, this is fine too oh wa oh (one, two, three, four)
Though birds of a feather flock together
Help, help each other out, dream a happy dream

The days that used to be just the same, bye bye bye
Laughter high high higher yeah
Day by day everyday is a new one
Feeling alright

Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
The laughter piercing the sky
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Through the gaps between those high buildings
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Pit-a-pat, tomorrow that is being unfold
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Together just like this alright

Don’t worry worry
Put down, put down, put it all down oh wa oh (Let’s be happy)
Don’t mind the others
Oh wa, come to me, make some noise excitedly

The cloud surrounding you, bye bye bye
That sun is high high higher yeah
It’s even warmer because we’re together
Feeling alright

Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Pit-a-pat, tomorrow that is being unfold
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Together jus like this alright

In the fast-changing world, oh
As we laugh and cry and share
No matter when, come to me

Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Come to me oh wa
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Let’s get it started yeah

Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
The laughter piercing the sky
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Through the gaps between those high buildings

Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Pit-a-pat, tomorrow that is being unfold
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wa oh oh oh oh wa
Together just like this alright

It’s just that today my office is kind of empty. Most of my colleagues are out-stationed, leaving me and a few others to face the ‘challenges’ ahead. As I listen to the music to block all the unwanted noise, this song lingers and tugs my heart. Sad, so sad. Sometimes life is just plain pathetic, and even worse, we allow ourselves to trap in this sentimental crap. But once a while, I just let the heart flutters and cries, for no reason at all or for some familiar reasons which normally masked with ignorance. Just to ensure that I am not heartless, and there is hope even when sadness is getting deeper and darkness is getting darker.

A falling star

Cover by SuJu

Yesterday a star fell

My heart fell

But a star will always just be a star

Is what everyone tells me

Even today a star is falling

My one beautiful star

If a star falls

The sky is also sad

This is only how rain falls

Your yearning came and wetted inside my heart

Even tonite you'll become the rain

And make me cry again

If i think about our beautiful past

My altruistic love might come back

My dream is disappearing, only sadness is getting deeper

My star is disappearing, only darkness is getting darker

Let the dark sky hides the stars

Let the heavy air blankets this coldness

Let the thunder shakes the ground

And guide the tears to the rivers

Tell me it is alright

That the sun still shines

And it is time to rise

Someone like you

by Adele

I heard that you're settled down.

That you found a girl and you're married now.

I heard that your dreams came true.

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded,

That for me, it isn't over.

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.

I wish nothing but the best for you too.

Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-

Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

You'd know how the time flies.

Only yesterday was the time of our lives.

We were born and raised in a summer haze.

Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded,

That for me, it isn't over.

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.

I wish nothing but the best for you too.

It’s not like we have sworn under the night sky.

It’s not like we have carved our names on the trunk of a shady tree.

It’s not like we have held our hands and walked by the sea.

It is just that I thought we were meant to be.

Because even if tomorrow the roses are cheaper, my love will not be any lesser.

This love, when we fall it’s really a free falling, loosing the feet, defying gravity.

And when it fails it is one heck of an ache. The heart that has not a crack but thousands snaps.

So let me feel sorry to this heart-wrenching story, a dream that exists only in my sleep.

Because comes the morning, I am back to reality and you are a cold history.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A short journey by Super Junior

Like that, the sun sets and the moon rises again

Today like always had no chance

Oh but why does my heart keep beating so fast

You, that is like the blue sky,

Suddenly pours rain

And when my body gets wet from this rain

I’ll hide the flowing tears

I am an illusionist who draws my own cotton-candy-like sweet dream. A person who unconsciously walk on a delusional path, while seeing mountains like molehills and convinced by tomorrow’s promises.

I am doped with hope and dreams, so I am gambling with uncertainties, paying with my sanity. No harm in trying, because if today is my last day, I will die happy.

Hope is a dream that never sleeps
By Kyuhyun, Super Junior

To me, the happiness of those precious memories
Will be warmer during hard times.
For me, hope is a dream that never sleeps.

There has been moment in life when we hit rock bottom..Suffocated in the loud silence and drowned in sea of possibilities..We live with decisions that we made albeit our reluctance to admit them when things go the opposite ways of our plan..

There also has been time when we failed people who matter to us..Struggled to rise to the occasions and jaded to climb up the raised bar..we wonder if we really the best person to do those things or we were here because others refused to do them anyway..

There has been instance when our ticking clock suddenly stopped while others moved so fast, they are almost invisible..invincible..while we are the last in the rat race and the later birds that have no worms..Maybe somewhere, somehow, something needs repairing..

There has been occasions when we are stuck in a puzzling maze...one way in, one way out but so many confusing ways with limited strike of luck..re-routed to square one every time we met that endless dead ends..

We want to blame this concrete jungle for its lack of oxygen for us to breathe
We want to shout at people to stop pushing us over the limit
We want to hang on to others to stop leaving us wandering
We want to burn the walls that are blocking our sole exit
We want to rage and break
We want to torch the white flag but dont want to fight anymore

We dont demand much
We just want to be strong enough to cry
And strong enough to survive


it's my life
by Bon Jovi

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, hell, don't back down

This life is nothing but a constant battle. Each day is a continuous struggle and we have no choice but to live life for the moment.

I am not an exception. Through challenges in life, I hope I grow up and learnt my lesson well, without repeating the same mistake. Though it is almost impossible, and frustration claims me whenever guilt overwhelms me, I cannot help but feel hurt by my own lack of will.

This life of mine, I pray to Him for guidance. Though I am not the best of His servant, I know there is no better guidance than from Him. Though there are moments when I wish I could disappear for a moment and fly high, it is never coming true. Running from responsibility is a complete cowardice and I hope I will never do that. Everyday things get harder and when an empty house greets me, I wonder what would the end await me?

Broken heart is bad enough, but broken spirit is worse. This life is nothing but a constant battle and I cannot help but wonder if I am noble enough to call myself a fighter.

Every night you cry yourself to sleep

Thinking 'Why does this happen to me?'

Why does every moment have to be so hard?

Hard to believe that….

It's not over tonight

Just give me one more chance to make it right

I may not make it through the night

I wont go home without you